New here and scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
New here and scared
6
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 10:14pm
We just decided today to divorce. We have 3 kids ages 2, 7 and 9. H thinks we can have 50/50 custody, I have the kids one week he has them the next and he won't pay child support. The problem is I homeschool and I'm working 4 part time jobs. Three of them are from home. Babysitting, selling Avon, doing basic accounting and payroll and cleaning. The payroll and cleaning jobs are for mom in laws restaurant and she's going out of business so I lose half my income which is minimal. I have no money because I have been paying bills. We just got tax return back and I paid in $830 and he kept the whole $5000, so he has enough to get himself an apartment and I get nothing. My only option is to get help from the state and try and find a job. He wants to send the kids to private school next year which I'm okay with but there is no way we can go through this divorce and I get nothing and he gets everything the way he wants. I just need help and advice and a little knowledge about NH law. I had an affair 3 years ago which was the catalyst to where we are today but it comes after 10 years of emotional abuse and financial neglect. Our house is being foreclosed on and he is going to try and sell it in the next month before foreclosure proceedings start. Fortunately my name is on nothing and I have my own checking account. I am willing to work as hard as I can and since h is in college 4 nights a week the kids will have to be with me. I will do anything I can to continue to homeschool as the divorce will be a lot for them to take but if I can't support us and continue homeschooling then I will go to work. I don't want to depend on state help but I will if I have too. H is very good at making plans and not following through so his whole 50/50 thing is just one of those things that I know will never work. I am scared to death but very relieved that he is finally giving me what I wanted 2 years ago...my freedom
M.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:00am

Without money this is going to be tough because you need a lawyer!!! We can't give you the kind of detailed legal advice you will need. Where I live there is a women's center that has classes on divorce; you might see if there are some in your area.

What gives with you getting $830 back and him $5000???? Based on income? First thing is ... it is ALL marital -- that means 50/50!

He is going to have to provide support; it isn't 50% custody if you are sitting the kids while he goes to school.

All this is to say ... you need to find a lawyer so you know where you really stand. Where will you live if the house is foreclosed? Also, even without your name on the deed, depending on your contributions to the mortgage and other household expenses, you may be entitled to a portion of the proceeds of the house sale (persuming he sells it before foreclosure).

Find a lawyer quick!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 10:03am
I qualify for free legal help and will seek it. He didn't give me the $830 that I paid in he kept the whole return!! Needless to say I am not agreeing to anything or signing anything. I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years. I have recently been paying the electric bill, phone bill, and buying groceries so I haven't contributed a lot but I have done some stuff. I got a loan last year and paid off the mortgage so they wouldn't foreclose and I paid back taxes so yeah if he makes any money off selling the house then I want part of it but in return if he owes money I don't want half the bill because I can not afford. Depending on where I move I will lose 3 of the kids I babysit leaving me with only a $100.00 a week. I am going to get some professional advice as soon as possible.
M.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:24pm

Atta girl! In my state sahms merit a share of the equity in the house and other assets based on their non-monetary contribution to the family!!!!

I too am a sahm (for 6 1/2 years now) and I do not want to rush back to work because a) I think, *for my family* it is the greatest gift I can give my children (the conversation in the car on the way to the dentist this mornng is a prime example) and b) I want them to have the same precious routine to depend on during this difficult transition (they are barely five and 6 1/2 yo; still in school only part-day) and c) it is going to take time to re-tool and re-enter the workforce etc.

So, I understand.

GL getting the advice and support you need!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 8:04am
Well apparently when H said "I've got enough money for first and last month's rent and a security deposit" I was supposed to know that was for me not him. He came home last night and yelled at me and I just told the kids yesterday so I just told him that he didn't need to yell because they didn't need to hear that they had had a hard day as it was. Anyway I took out another unsecured personal loan so that I don't have to depend on him to give me money and if he does great if he doesn't I'll have some of my own.
M.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 8:46am

Welcome to the board. Why did he get to take the $5,000 tax return??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 9:35am
For right now the custody thing is ok. He's in college 4 nights a week so the times that he has them for a week he would get them after college and bring them back the next day around 3. They are 9, 7, and 2. I haven't agreed to this yet. He is very volatile and angry because I had an A 3 years ago. I had gone to counseling and my counselor was also a mediator so the first thing I'm going to do is get an appointment with her.
M.