New here and in shock

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
New here and in shock
13
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 5:41pm

I am new here - and I have to say I never thought I would need a board like this one. My husband and I have been married for nearly 18 years and have three small children. A few days ago he announced to me that he no longer loves me and doesn't want to be married to me. Furthermore - he doesn't know that he ever *really* loved me at all. He says he has not been sexually attracted to me for some time. He evidently had an affair recently (not sure if it is still going on). This is all news to me. I feel like such a fool. We seemed happy together - I was happy. We had sex regularly (especially if he wasn't attracted to me, it is amazing he continued to initiate sex 2-3 times per week). He never mentioned a word about issues with my appearance, etc. We didn't have an argument related to any of the things he had to say to me. He just laid it out there. He was my best friend as well as my husband. I have never been alone in my entire adult life (we married very young). I have no idea how to move forward or what is going to happen next. For now he is staying in the house (not in my bedroom - clearly). I am having such a hard time with my emotions. I feel like my world has just ended.


I apologize for having such a long post but for those of you who have been where I am - please tell me the pain does end? tell me things are going to get better (they have to right? I can't imagine living with this pain for very long).


I am certain we are headed for divorce - he has not left the door open at all for any kind of counseling (except maybe parental focused). I know I need to (somehow) accept this and move on and I am sure I eventually will be able to do this (how long will I feel this way?).


I want to have an 'amicable' divorce - if that is possible. I would even like to be friends with him some day (but I love him too much to think about that as a reality in the near future).


Has anyone had a friendly divorce? does it exist? am I being naive?


I think that is enough for one post LOL. Please someone who has been there - I would really like to hear your thoughts on these questions.


HurtnLost

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 11:52am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 7:07pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 9:47pm
I wish I could tell you when the pain will go away..I know when my STBX told me christmas night that he wanted a divorce I prayed for death to make the pain stop....but it does get easier alittle bit each day and some days are worse that others..The best advice I could give is to find a mental health professional to help you through this process and remember not to fight any of your feelings..no matter what they are

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