New Here, Divorcing, Mad and Scared!
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New Here, Divorcing, Mad and Scared!
| Tue, 05-08-2007 - 12:31pm |
Hi All,
I was married (it's strange to say was) for 3 and a half years. My husband had some issues from the start which I either chose to ignore or assumed he'd grown out of. The first red flag went up about 1 month after we returned home from our honeymoon. I had caught him in a chat room trying to hook up with a local woman (who admittedly "liked" married men) for sex. He apologized, and being the therapist that I am I tried to talk to him about sexual addiction, impulsive behavior, etc...It was at that point I had to put a monitoring/blocking program on the computer that I presumed was keeping that behavior in check. He then lost 4 jobs in a row (fired, laid off, fired, fired for sexual harassment which he denied). Which brings us to today. We ended up having to move into my parents' beachhouse because his income could never support us (because it would end abruptly and he wouldn't be able to collect unemployment), and he had not been working for the past 5 months while I worked 2 jobs. Long story short, two Tuesdays ago, I returned home from my first and second job and all of his belongings were gone. He left me a note stating that he had moved out. The next day he told me that "this is over for good and I am filing for divorce." Come to find out, he had, in his leisure time between jobs, I suppose, developed a relationship with a woman over the internet. He planned his move and did it without a word.
He states he is filing for divorce. I told him never to contact me again unless it was through his lawyer. Should I wait for him to file or should I try filing myself? I think the term for this is 'abandonment' as he left, forwarded his mail, and didn't tell me where he was going. Can I file for divorce if I don't know where he is? How long does he have to be gone before I do that? How do I go about changing my name back to my maiden name?
Thanks for any support, encouragement, or advice you can give.
I was married (it's strange to say was) for 3 and a half years. My husband had some issues from the start which I either chose to ignore or assumed he'd grown out of. The first red flag went up about 1 month after we returned home from our honeymoon. I had caught him in a chat room trying to hook up with a local woman (who admittedly "liked" married men) for sex. He apologized, and being the therapist that I am I tried to talk to him about sexual addiction, impulsive behavior, etc...It was at that point I had to put a monitoring/blocking program on the computer that I presumed was keeping that behavior in check. He then lost 4 jobs in a row (fired, laid off, fired, fired for sexual harassment which he denied). Which brings us to today. We ended up having to move into my parents' beachhouse because his income could never support us (because it would end abruptly and he wouldn't be able to collect unemployment), and he had not been working for the past 5 months while I worked 2 jobs. Long story short, two Tuesdays ago, I returned home from my first and second job and all of his belongings were gone. He left me a note stating that he had moved out. The next day he told me that "this is over for good and I am filing for divorce." Come to find out, he had, in his leisure time between jobs, I suppose, developed a relationship with a woman over the internet. He planned his move and did it without a word.
He states he is filing for divorce. I told him never to contact me again unless it was through his lawyer. Should I wait for him to file or should I try filing myself? I think the term for this is 'abandonment' as he left, forwarded his mail, and didn't tell me where he was going. Can I file for divorce if I don't know where he is? How long does he have to be gone before I do that? How do I go about changing my name back to my maiden name?
Thanks for any support, encouragement, or advice you can give.

Thank GOD that your marriage ended early on and there was no kids. Your husband and mine must be related.Don't be mad or scared, but relieved that he did the right thing and left before you had to throw him out. I felt that way in the beginning of our separation that I was going to be able to handle thing by myself. But I did it!! During the time that he had lost his job,I worked overtime while he was at home collecting unemployment and playing Playstation. When he did get a job( he works for railroad) he was very arrogant. I found his picture on a dating site, emails from ladies, and then he moved his friend in with us ( we had a one bedroom apt). We ttc children but come to find out that he doesn't have any and was not willing to go to the doctor. When things did ended...He move the girl from another state (Ohio) here to live with her two kids into a house. Our credit was in the toilet because that we had to file Chapter 13( for which I am paying). He came back telling me what a mistake that he made. We dated for about 2 years, then I found out that he move back in with the girl along with his son for a previous relationship. I couldn't cry about it. I feel that God reveals everything in his time. When I do sign the papers, I would have been married for 8 years. And half of that, he cheated on me. I feel that no matter what you think, Love exist. We just have to go through the bad men until we find that good one. Keep you head up, you are not alone.
Peace
J
SD,
Seek the advice of an experienced divorce attorney. You have valid questions that need a legitimate answer.
While it's a shock to find yourself in this situation, I think it can have a silver lining. After all, you are capable of working and supporting yourself, and you able to seek help because you provide it.
Divorce isn't easy in the sense it's painless, but this may be a second chance to rethink your life and what you want in a life partner. My advice? Don't settle. :)
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I can understand where you are coming from. I have been married to my husband for nearly 2 years. My problems started before we got married and it got even worse after we married. I knew my husband from high school. We never dated in high school (he was the "funny" guy and I mainly dated older guys) and we met up again at the 10 year reunion. I didn't initially want to go out with him but he pursued me and I gave in. He was very different from me...didn't have an education, didn't really like the same activities and kinda lazy. He also craved the attention of women even though he always portrayed to me, his parents, his friends and my parents that he had a high moral character. About 2 months after being married I checked his phone and he had called 2 old girl friends of his. I was furious and he said they were just friends and I was over reacting. He is the type of guy that is the "friend" to a lot of girls. Well, things haven't gotten any better since. He doesn't have any initiative to get an education or find another job (works in the resturant). It was a constant battle with us. He would have some big plan of what he wanted to do with his life and he always would big talk and never do anything. He was always giving the impression that he was this hard working guy with high character. I feel like I was the dumb one who just didn't see it.
Well, make a long story short. In January, I left him for a week and lived with my parents because he had shoved me and just went upstairs and didn't apologize. I left the next day. I came back because I didn't want to end a marriage. I thought...I am not that girl. Well, things never have gotten better. Then, on Tuesday something told me to check his email. He doens't know how to password protect his computer. I found some pretty disturbing emails to some girl and also a lot of porn. I printed it out and left to come to my parent's house. I feel so empty and lost but I do feel a bit of peace with all of this. I know I am doing the right thing but I feel like you....mad and scared. I competely know where you are coming from. It will hurt one day and the next day you will be so on top of the world. Just know that you are better than that and always keep to your morals and values. Good Luck!
I am relieved to know that there are others out there who understand what I am going through. Again, good luck!