new here, here's my story...and some ?s
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| Wed, 11-01-2006 - 7:14pm |
Well, I could probably write a novel with the whole story up to this point, but I'll try to keep it brief. DH and I have been married 7 years (cliche) and have 3 kids (the oldest is 4). We've definitely drifted apart over the last few years and unfortunately I realized it a lot later than he did...and by the time I did he was already emotionally gone. He's asked for a divorce, not interested in even trying to work on our relationship because he feels it will never work, that we could fake it but he doesn't want to do that. He seems to feel like his two choices are (a) stay and be miserable or (b) leave and so he's decided to go with (b). (Oh, and yes, he has a 'good friend' - female - who he says he is in love with, but claims that's not why he's leaving.)
I'm crushed, angry, hurt, and disgusted, but there's only so many times I can say, "I can't believe you don't even want to TRY." and so I'm starting to accept it and think positively about life moving forward.
So...at this point we are just starting to talk about the divorce process. He has told me that he wants me and the kids to have the same standard of living we have now, and if that means he ends up with nothing, he's OK with that.
I'm the 'organizer' of the family, so I've called a family friend who is an attorney (and does handle divorce cases) and gotten the ball rolling. The hope is that if we are on the same page about the outcome, we don't have to make this hard.
My struggle is this: If this is really happening (which it is), I want to make it as easy as possible for everyone, since I know that approach will be best for me and the kids. But at the same time, this is NOT my choice, and so I think, "Why should I make the effort? Why not make him do all the work?" And also...given that he is being very agreeable to giving us pretty much everything, I know I should 'strike while the iron is hot.' So, I'm conflicted.
Any thoughts?
Thanks for letting me be here and vent. Not too many people know (my family and a few friends) and it's been so hard to keep this all inside.

I have been married 7 years, I have 3 kids, my husband and I drifted apart and he is leaving even though I want to work it out. He is also giving me everything I want in our agreement (we are using a mediator instead of litigiating.) I am choking on the whole process but I am getting it done as fast as I can, before his family gets involved or he starts getting too much advice.
These guys don't get it- they owe it to their children to work it out or at least try. My husband just won't put the effort in but wants me to understnad it doesn't mean he doesn't love and miss me! Hmmmph.
I am all torn up. I have said a lot of things I am not to proud of to try to concince him to stay but lately (as in the last 24 hours) I am realizing I can't force him to want to be part of the family we have created. I am trying so hard to stay strong. I have to learn to bite my tongue until it bleeds rather than fight with him anymore. Maybe just knowing a bunch of us are going through the sam thing will help just a little? It certainly can't hurt.
Wow, ivil_amie, I started reading your post and at first I thought I had written it! You have no idea (well, maybe you do) how much it helps to know there is someone else out there who is going through this too. It floors me as well how a man could just walk away like this...we have 3 beautiful children and I know he adores them, and I just can't understand why he doesn't even feel it is worth a TRY. The whole situation is just unimaginable to me.
Thank you for your post - stay strong and I will too!
M2threebabies,
He didn't just walk away.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***