New here: How to get him to see it is not just me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
New here: How to get him to see it is not just me?
Sun, 07-28-2013 - 11:43am

Hello everyone.


I posted a few weeks ago on the Working on Your Relationship board under a post titled “Conflicting Feelings.” In that post I explained that I was dealing with feeling of not being happy for some time. Well, 2 weeks ago I went out with my girlfriends for a wine night and finally broke down to them after a few of them expressed concern that I haven’t been myself.  That night I stayed with one of my friends, and when I went home to my husband I completely lost it. All of my feelings about me being unhappy came out. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My husband and I haven’t been emotionally of physically intimate for almost a year. With us both being in our early to mid 20’s and only being married 4 years I don’t think this is something we should be going through yet.

Since that night the lines of communication have been wide open. The problem I’m running into is my husband thinks that I just need a weekend trip with the girls and I will get over all of this. He keeps expressing and saying comments about how this is all just me, and I need to figure it out. Yet when I asked him point blank “If our marriage stays the way it has been for the last year for the next 10 years, would you be happy?” His response is no.  Yet, he is not seeing that this is a marriage problem, just a wife problem. I’m not sure what I can do to get him to see this is an “us” problem and not just me?

Someone on the other board asked if we were young when we got married, the answer is one of us was. There is a 6 year age difference between us with my husband being younger. This is the first time that I feel like the age difference is hindering us. Also, my husband comes from a very very bad past. He told me the other night that since we have money, a house, and we are not beating each other up, or have a drug problem that we are the best marriage he has ever seen. He also told me that he didn’t care if he was miserable he wouldn’t end this because our lifestyle is so much better than he ever thought he could have.

I’m just lost on what to do? I talk and talk until I’m blue in the face. I feel like I get him to understand that he plays a role in all of this, and then 15 mins later he ask me if I’m going to my counseling appointment this week because “you need to figure this out.”

Just the other night my husband asked if I thought separating temporarily would be a good idea. The problem with this is that we work together so I don’t feel like it would be a true break and give me space since I would still have to see him every day.  Did any of you separate for a short period of time? If so, how did it would out for you?

Any advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated!