New here,, Looking for support..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
New here,, Looking for support..
3
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:05am

Hey My name is Stephanie.. 25yrs old, I have 2 kids, kaleb is 7 and karissa is 6.. Married to kenneth, we have been married since March 9, 05, but have been together since Sugust 1999... We just seperated last week, and I am a mess..


At the time we seperated becasue he is always wanting to go out to the club and party, and I am always the one staying home and doing nothing... Since the split, he is finially telling me his "true" feeling.. When we frist got together in 1999, about 2 weeks after we started dating I cheated on him with my sons biological dad.. BIG MISTAKE, but we worked through it, or at least i thought we did. He just told me he has never trusted me, and that he has never been happy since then..


He says all we do is argue, which we do argue a bit, mainly becasue I want to spend time with him and the kids as a family and all he wants to do is the things he enjoys by himself.. Says he only married me to make me happy..


I am having a real hard time dealing with it all. I love him and want to be with him, and want to work through this, but he doesn't want to.. I suggested counseling he said "hes not the counseling type"


I just don't know what to do anymore, I love him and want it to work, I am alone now at home with the kids, while he moved out, I have no friends or family where we are at... I am So confused and hurt and really stunned!


Thanks for listening!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 10:25am

Hi, and welcome to the board!


If your H is unwilling to get help and seek counseling with you, the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself. Make sure you eat well, try to get enough rest, do some physical activity, etc. The first few weeks of separation are the most painful. If your H will not attend counseling with you, definitely go yourself. Many of us here on the board have found counseling to be a huge blessing.


Also, another way to meet new people get additional support is to join a divorce support group in your area. Many churches offer them - but they're not necessarily religiously-oriented.


Other than that, keep posting here! It's a wonderful place to vent and get suggestions from people who have BTDT.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 1:54pm
Stephanie, I have a suggestion of a book that might help. It's called The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. Try it. Maybe you'll be able to put some new life into your relationship. I wish you the best. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:31pm
Hey i am almost in the same situtaion as you....
i am 24... have one little girl almost 1 and one on the way.. when my husband and i were dating...i broke it off with him and got with someone else a few weeks later.... he calls that cheating @@ and says the same thing.. i have never trusted you again,,,, i am unhappy , i dont want to stay married to you...
well i also dont want to divorce... i can deal somewhat with the seperation well okay im lying im havign a bad time but i know it will be worse if we actually divorce. i also suggested counseling.. said he would go and cancelled twice last minute! ( @ss , they charge everytime i cancelled)
well i have all my family here but my friends are into the club scene and i cant do that anymore ..so i might as well be alone!
i cant tell you what to do as i dont knwo myself, but just my expirience... if he doesnt want to stay married to you he wont! my husband already started makign plans... he said were gettting a divorce and thats that,,, we still live in the same house,, but he makes me pay for half of everything, he goes out and doesnt say with who or where , when hes comming home, talks like were already living apart...example : talks about sharing the expense on our time-share, talks about making everything apart, birthdays, holidays, things liek that.
goes when he wants. (mostly to him mommy's house since he's such a momas boy!
so my point is just be preppared that he might start the process himself (liek movign out wich he just did)
i am here to talk if you need me vaniedee@aol.com email me anytime. i need someone to talk to also :)
i am like you ... devastated about this whole thing!!!!!
i am so sorry!!!!