New Here- need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
New Here- need some advice
3
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 7:14am
Hi all- New here- in a nutshell- my husband is talking about getting a divorce. I still don't understand his reasons but- divorce is divorce I guess. We have been together for 15 years and married for almost 7. I am 31. We got married in CT and moved to VA over a year ago. My family is in CT and I have no one in VA. We have one child- 16 months old. My question is- how many rights do I have as the mother to just say- this child is coming with me. If we separate or whatever I am going back to my parents in CT. I believe in equal parent rights but he is never around anyway- she belongs with me. I am a fantastic mother and a kindergarten teacher. Just looking for info on what I can and can't do. I know final custody etc is decided throught the divorce isn't it?
any thoughts would be appreciated.
Jennifer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 10:35am

Hi Jennifer!

Depending upon the state in which you live....the rules about divorces and child custody can vary!

Perhaps you need to ask yourself if your possible return to Connecticut is the real motive? Or if your husband JUST WANTS OUT?

Before you engage a legal professional to work out the 'terms of child and spousal support', you might want to talk with your husband and ask him what he HONESTLY expects by divorcing you? Is he willing to give up all rights to the 16 month old? Does he expect visitation? What sort of arrangements would he be willing to make for a no hassle legal split?

You can always ask these (and other) questions....but whether the 2 of you arrive at a satisfactory conclusion (or settlement) depends upon how CALMLY you both can communicate with each other? If you're finding that your husband JUST WANTS OUT and doesn't want to deal with the particulars....enlist the services of a legal advisor who understands the process.

A good divorce lawyer can often be a better negotiator than a couple who has just grown tired of each other?

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 7:42pm
I am in the same boat...I have been married for 11 yrs -together 18 - two children - 2 & 5 yrs old. I am from NY - my whole family is there - I live in Ohio. He refuses to allow me to leave....I just wanted to go home so that I could live with my parents - finish college and save money so we could buy a home and have to live in an apartment. He is the one who wanted the divorce ( got himself a girlfriend at his office)...now I am up against living here alone, no family support due to distance, I will probably live in a hole and never be able to financial get ahead because he all of a sudden wants to be a good dad. I am told unless he is a drug dealer, child molestor etc I have no chance of being permited to leave. That is what Ohio says...they feel it's on the best interest of the children to have access to both parents. My lawyer says I can spend $20000 + to try and fight it - or just wait until he looses interest in the kids and the girlfriend starts putting pressure on him regarding time he spends with the kids and money
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 12:33pm
Hi,
I was in a similar situation. My husband and I were living in South Carolina while my family lived in Virginia. When he moved out I stayed down there for a few months but I learned that you need his permission to take your daughter over state lines or he could get you for kidnapping. My husband tried to do this so I went to a lawyer got a seperation agreement stating that I had custody and that I could leave the state with my son. So if you can, try to get something in writing and have it done through a lawyer or notorizied saying you can leave the state with your daughter. Also, I know it seems hard being away from your family right now but it will get easier and better. Where in Virginia are you?