New here from PA area- what to do????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
New here from PA area- what to do????
4
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 6:19am

I know the first step is to see an attorney. Thankfully, I work with several and one actually used to work in Family Law. I obtained some free information, and was about to have everything filed and then got sick. I have been on leave of absence with unknown return time. BUT, I can't handle it anymore.

I am a 30s mom, 1 child under 5, married 5 years. We met after a bad relationship I had with a boyfriend. DH actually helped convince me get him out of apartment etc... Come to think of it, I have never not had a boyfriend... hoped from one to another. Husband was fine with first year of mortgage. Second year I got pregnant, we tried quite a bit ;) He was okay in beginning of pregnancy, but was very jealous of my attention. Once I had the child, I did NOTHING right... he belittled me, criticized me, and yells at me. He never lifted a hand. It came down to my friends and family asking what was going on? I asked what did they mean, they say he has captured my personality, mind, and esteem beyond repair. I saw a counselor, whom agreed. I then looked at things. I did not go back to school or study law, he did not want me to. I did not get the house I wanted, he did not like it. I even bought a car in my name, because he thought it was better.

Nothing against someone who never went to college, I never completed.... he has a high school education. He is NO better than me. Heck, I have an appraiser's license for automobiles and do all the household work and repairs.

He has controlled my hair, my clothes, my life. I have asked him to leave he won't. I financially right now need him, along with for the car of my child. I can't stand the man.

He's been living here for officially about 6 months straight. Occasional fights he leaves. I go out with friends. I want to get back to work, but can't right now with illness. I just don't know what to do. I tape recorded him and played it back to him. I just want piece. He's about 40, so the thought of him changing is going to bad. I asked about counseling during our child's first year he did not want to go.

It's to the point when he sips coffee, eats.. I cringe.

I don't have the money right now to go back to attorney. I need to figure out can I make him leave. Also, he has daughter saying what he says to me.

It's the new year, well sort of, I want the new free me...

I have looked into colleges and about to apply. I am thinking of loans. Apartments are so expensive, I am better off keeping the house.. but I don't think I can handle everything. Dramatic cuts will have to be made, I am more than happy to do them to get out.

What steps has anyone done before attorney?
I never took credit out in my married name. We already have separate accounts. I have secretly ordered his credit report, and no joint credit except for house and small home equity loan.

What if I become permanently disabled? Am I destined to put up with crap? He actually punched a wall near me the other day. So, I know it's getting worse.

Please help. Please tell me your story. Please advise of cheap good attorneys in PA, Philadelphia area. Bucks County preferred. I told the attorney I was going to that I did not need their service, they did quote me some wrong things.

Tish

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 9:01am
Tish, this is definitely abuse. The punch to the wall was physical intimidation, and it will get worse. Call a DV shelter and ask to speak with a legal advocate. They'll help get you on your way. There are procedures for getting court matters handled for people suffering abuse. Many of us are in bad financial situations - that doesn't mean we have to wait to get out. XH and I got our mandatory parent classes paid for by the state, he was served free of charge, and I could have had the state pay the filing fee as well. In a lot of places there is free legal counsel for battered spouses/partners. You just have to be willing to tell them you're being abused and it has turned physical. Best of luck and I encourage you to act quickly. Take care & keep us posted. Big hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 9:24am

Thank you.

But he never hits me. He hit the wall once.. Physically I can not take care of daughter, and don't want to lose custody. Family all lives far away.

Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 3:05pm

He hasn't hit you..... yet.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 7:31am
i think you may need to make a difficult decision about moving. i dont know much about the situation so maybe this is not possible, but maybe you could call your parents or another close relative and ask to move and live with them while you find a job or go to school. if youre unable to care for her that may be the only option
good luck and keep us posted