new here, told him I want a D last night

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
new here, told him I want a D last night
5
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:20am
It's a long story but after years of verbal abuse, refusal to take care of his mental and physical health problems, refusal to stop arguing in front of our daughter and general crazy making and lying, I told him I want a D.
We had a separation back in November and he agreed to do many things that I asked him to do. He has done none of them except going to counseling. The counseling was a disaster, and after the last session I told him I wouldn't go back.
We have a daughter who is three. He is now living with a friend and plans on staying there for a while.
I have been a stay at home mom, but I am looking for a job. Even if I find a job, he will still make about five times as much as I can make in a year.
I don't quite know what to do.
I don't want to stay in our home, there are too many bad memories, and too many things are broken and falling apart. I just want to rent a new place, get a fresh start and have someone else take care of the things that break down.
What is my first step? How do we figure out how much child support and alimony he owes me if I don't have a job but I'm looking for one?
TIA.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:53am

You should really consult a lawyer to find out what you are entitled to as far as alimony & c.s. because the laws are diff. in every state.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 2:13pm
Thanks for the advice. I have an appointment with a mediator/attorney on Wednesday. We are going to try to go the mediation route, but we'll see. He's being cooperative right now and says he wants to be amicable for our daughter's sake. I just don't know because he tends to be so up and down from day to day, and changes from being extremely angry to a nice guy.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 8:30pm

Hi,

I think I remember you from the message boards when we were both pregnant. I remember your screen name. My son was due Jan. of 2005. He was born Dec. 2004. I am really thinking of divorce as well. I also think (know) that my husband is bipolar.

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 8:37pm

I am also thinking that he might have borderline personality disorder. Either with bipolar or instead of.
You can email me anytime you want to talk! I am sorry that your husband is going through this, but obviously we both have a lot in common! I think your name rings a bell, but it's been a long time. Were you using the same name on the EC board?

I think that her birth might have been so stressful for him that it did trigger a latent mental illness.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 9:33pm

Yes. This is the same name I used. I didn't post much though. So don't worry about not remembering!
Interesting about your husband. I think my H changed quite a bit after the birth our our son as well. Some good. Mostly bad. He joined the army last year!! He is now 35 years old. He lives in another state, as I didn't want to move with him. I have a good job and good support system where I live.