New here.....Hi everyone!
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| Wed, 03-01-2006 - 6:10pm |
Hello all!
I am not necessarily new to iVillage - used to be a member of one the pregnancy boards back in 1999, but I haven't really been back since.
Anyway, I am currently going through the divorce process. Let me preface this with the fact that I am the instigator of all this and hope that there are others here that can relate. I should also say that my STBX didn't cheat on me, abuse me or otherwise "do" anything. Basically, here's the story....
We were married for 8.5 years, have two children - DD, Jaden will be 7 in April, DS, Keaton is 4 and a half. I have been unhappy with life for years - always thinking it was depression and I guess, not having the courage to really find out why. We moved from So Cal (we both grew up there) to Vancouver, WA a year and a half ago. Because of CA real estate, we finally got the big wonderful house of our (my) dreams and I got to be a SAHM. So why wasn't I happy? Well, this past summer, I finally found the courage to realize that it was him. I discovered that no, he wasn't going to change into the kind of man I should be with (we were raised so differently) and that he was never going to truly respect all sides of me. One of the biggest issues was his general disrespect for all things and his underlying rage that I was always leary of.
So, he moved out in Sept, we put the house on the market in Oct, and it finally sold. Luckily, I was able to buy a townhome with my half of the proceeds and moved in last weekend. We have 50/50 custody of the kids and switch weekly. The rage I mentioned above has been directed at me for the past 6 months and I've endured so many, many horrible emails, voice mails, threats/name-calling, etc. And yes, there is also a man. He was our neighbor, three houses down. He's divorced, has a little girl half time. He and I could no longer wait to start something as of this past Nov. Fast, I know - but I realized that my grieving of my marriage started so long ago and that I was "done" and that this man, who I'd developed a friendship with, could really be someone. You can't help when God is going to put something wonderful in front you...Anyway, STBX has found out and just Monday keyed my car.
I just wanted to introduce myself and get some honest answers as to whether I'd be welcome here. So many of the discussions I've read seem to have to do with situations that are reversed of mine.

Hi Free,
I didn't have the exact same situation but pretty close to it.I spent 7 years basicly in depression trying to convert to his way and only digging a deeper hole for myself. He kept me from my best friend and even to this day I have a hard time locating her. He hated when I would talk to my mother because I always "told her to much". Eventually it was his brother that I befriended and helped me get out of that situation. They were even good friends at the time. His brother tried to show him what he was doing to me and refused to listen. Eventually his brother tried to open my eyes as to what was happening. In the end everyone was unhappy. My BIL ended up becoming my best friend and then eventually my SO.
I've been diovorced going on 2 yrs this May.We seperated on Dec.4 2001.Ex still tries to blame his brother instead of looking in the mirror. However he now has a new baby with GF that has yet to divorce her ex. So he is not as irate as he was in the beginning. I to would recieve the nasty phone calls and terrible name calling. I do have 2 girls 11 and 9.
There is hope it just takes time.BTW I also asked for the divorce.
K:)
Well, my story is unlike yours, my husband was unfaithful for months, I suspected and confronted him time after time, he denied it over and over, I finally found out when I called him and the OW answered his cell phone. My story is pretty insane, if you want to read it, I posted it a few days ago....
If you are here, then no matter what your story I'm sure you are looking for support b/c in some way you are grieving your failed marriage like the rest of us, so you are at home, welcome!
Beanie
Of course you're welcome here!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hey there "twin," how are you? LOL!
Our stories are SO similar! I too thought I was crazy, depressed, etc, for YEARS. I let me STBX convince me that was the case. But I too finally realized it was the marriage to this man that was making me crazy!
I also began a new relationship shortly after my STBX and I separated. I too had been done with the marriage and had grieved it's loss for literally years. So I was ready. And yes, I have had to endure the insane e-mails, voice mails, drive bys..... My STBX actually went so far as to hit me back in November.
And about your comment: "You can't help when God is going to put something wonderful in front you"
All I have to say about that is, AMEN SISTER! Glad to have you here.