new here...need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2005
new here...need some advice
4
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 9:56pm

Hi everyone...
Well I am hoping you lovely ladies can give me some VERY needed advice as my marriage is falling apart...
Heres the problem

My Dh and I met 2 years ago in college. I am 22 and he is 24 currently. Our relationship went soooo fast. We met in June moved in together by August and were married just like that. We moved out of state to be close to his parents since I didn't have any(parents) and lived with them till we got on our feet. We had a beautiful baby boy in May who is th elove of my life.We just moved out on our own in January and everything has fallen apart.
To be totally honest we married b/c Dh was going into the airforce and we had to be married for me to stay with him. However, he ended up now joining and taking a different job. I do love him....most days.
You see we fight constantly. Constantly. We do have good time in between the fighting but it gets so bad. We talk about divorce regularly now and I am so tempted to just hire the lawyer. I am so lost. He truely is SOOOO selfish. I want to be a SAHM he refuses b/c he is all about the lavish life style and I make good money. However I have surgery next week (just a laparoscopy) and he says we cant afford it, I am a hypocondriac (sp). So we fight over that. We fight about money, how we never have enough for my things but always enough for his 4000 dollar tv and his brand new furniture and our 1300 a month apartment. Oh and our new car but not my surgery. When he gets home he glues himself in front of the computer and to hell with me. He says I annoy him so why bother with me. Tonight I asked him to give DS a bath. Nope...
I stayed home today (b/c of my pre op appointment) so I didn't earn any money so I had to give him a bath. I work 50 hours a week and bathe him, feed him, and put him down EVERY NIGHT. Plus get yelled at when anything is messy. I have tried talking...he doesn't listen. I know this is a huge vent and I am so sorry but ladies I have tried talking to him. He doesn't care. He doesn't care if I am in pain,sick, he doesn't care when I try to tlak to him about my parents who passed away. He doesnt even know my parents names. He doesn't want to hear about my problems at work or any problems. He doesn't want the stress. When I was in a severe car accident..the next day he left me with the baby, an dstayed out till 7 am. I was so worried. And this week he has been going out a lot b/c he said he is done being told what to do. "if this marriage is going to work I need to do what I want to do." LOL,,WTF!!!!!
I can't believe I married a monster....
What am I supposed to do...
I don't want a divorce..
but do I want to stay married to that?
PLease give me advice..I need it...
TIA
Elle




Edited 4/7/2006 10:08 pm ET by elle-n-austin
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 3:31am
No, you don't. I married someome just like him and have worked my butt off for 11 years to try to make this work and have only managed to lose my self esteem and sanity. You need to make a plan of what you can and will do without him. Maybe you can then tell him one last time that you want to make this marriage work and ask him to go to counseling or maybe just agree to get him to read a few good books on marriage. If he refuses, you have no choice but to go forward with leaving him. This is just my opinion. As others on this board know, I COMPLETELY think marriages need to be saved but without any willingness on his part to compromise or take your thoughts and feelings into consideration, you just won't have much to work with. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 6:54am

i understand that you want to save your marriage - but *this* is not

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2005
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 9:06am
thanks ladies for writing back.
Since we live in florida now I don't have a support system here. Just my job and my inlaws. Everyone I care about is in Texas. I told Dh if we really divorce then I am probably going to move back to texas. I have nothing here. I do have a little money "thats mine" but not a lot. I don't even know how I would afford a divorce. The car, furniture, and everything is under Dh's name. We have joint bank accounts also. I have no idea what I would end up with...
Sigh
so much to happy endings...
My poor little baby boy....
I never wanted this.
Oh another thing I didn't mention is that Dh struggles with depression and thats where his temper comes from. He is currently on meds for it but I guess it is not working that well...
Sometimes I wish he had joined the airforce so I wouldn't see him as much...I know thats horrible. This whole thing is horrible...
So I even try counseling?
I don't know
Thanks again ladies
Elle
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 9:10am

I always suggest trying counseling first (if the other party is willing). Even if he is not, I would definitely suggest getting some yourself. Being in a marriage like that takes it's toll on you. MANY of us could have written