new here....questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
new here....questions
2
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 11:31am

I've been c- law married for about 8 yrs and am taking the steps to better the lives of my children. A little intro..My name is Deb, I have two children, DD 2, and DS 7.

I have beed abused physically and emointionally for most of the 8 yrs, H had a drinking problem...it wasn't unitl after I got pregnant with my son that I started to see. He loved his drinking and buddies more than his family, I could never do anything to please him, I guess the main reason I stayed was because I wanted my son the have his daddy around, plus he would tell me that no one would ever want me because I had a baby and i bought that story...I was very thin before the birth of my son and lets just say I did not get back to that size 0 again. Well after many fights and much verbal abuse I decided to leave H...I moved in with my parents. For some reason,I went back to him and our house.
Shortly after that I got pregnant again. He then went to prison for his drinking and I was left alone to support my two kids. He was gone for 2 years and yes I made the mistake of taking his kids to go see him...he is a very disturbed person, his parents made me feel guilty if I didn't go see him, I felt guilty because they were helping me. Well now he's home and I have decided I can't live my life being miserable. I have told him that I dont want to be with him anymore but he refuses to leave our house. He is self-employed and makes alot more money than me but has only paid one bill since he's been home. We both have seperate accounts and I have the responsibilty to pay for all the utilities because their in my name and I also buy the groceries and provide for our children, when I decides to do for our children he later complains about the money he has spent on them. Since he has been locked up I did meet another man and H has found out about him. Can OM risk me gaining custody of my children... H and I have fought several times about this issue and he has even went as far as to tell my DS about OM. My kids did not know nothing about OM until their jerk father told them. He is a very verbally abusive to my son as well. Most of the time my son stays with my parents because of the fighting. I'm in the process of trying to move out because he claims I can't have the house. But really I dont care about the all the stuff we have I just want to be happy for once. Does that make me sound bad... We live in Texas and have a mortgage on a house with both our proper names (my maiden name) because we were not married at the time of purchase...if I leave the house do I risk losing it to him? If the house was to be sold there would be a profit from the sale. Will I be able to abtain custody because of his felony? How is child support granted if he is self employed? He states that he will not pay child support so I can support another man!!! Will I have to get an actual divorce!!!! Even though I have never been married, I have always used my proper name...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 7:00pm

Hi Deb,

Welcome. I just read your post and would like to suggest that you go to "Dealing with Domestic Abuse" here at iVillage. I found this web site back in 1998 and they literally saved my life. I wish I knew short cuts to get you there but I am still finding my way around my computer. I am starting a new life at 59 and wasted the last 30 years of my life with a man who only cared about himself and I gave him everything. Please know that there is help here and we care.......

Luv, Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 3:40pm

Hi there!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~