New Here...what do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
New Here...what do I do now?
2
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:12pm

Well my husband told me today in a nice text message "its over" after we had an arguement. He proceeded to tell me during lunch that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and that is probably what most of our problems have come from. I do love him and it hurts, but I have sorta been preparing for this (he throws around the divorce term A LOT)

Only thing is I have nothing! I have set myself up badly. I moved to be with him and his military career. I left a good job. But I had some past credit problems, so he has since put everything in his name leaving me with no/bad credit. I have no job. I did start school in all actuality because I knew this day would come eventually, but was hoping we could make it until I had a degree and would be able to support myself. I don't konw what to do. He is not saying get out today, but I don't know what I'm going to do. I have no job, no money, no credit and NO where to go. GRRR I can't believe I let myself get like this. He asked me today why I was crying, he said "honestly why?" I said because I am so stupid for setting myself up like this. I am not all that upset it is over, like I said, sorta been expecting it. But I am upset that I couldn't get myself together fast enough.

UGH! Any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 2:18pm
See a lawyer to get an idea of where you stand (many have a free 1 hour consultation). Is he receptive to marriage counciling? Not sure if there arc children involved. Since you don't mention any then getting some sort of job shouldn't be too hard - I do have kids whom I'm not putting into daycare so, I substitute teach when I can. Continue with school, for sure! Make a list of short term goals and long term goals. Start squirling away $20 here and there so, you have a little cash. Open up a bank account in your name only and apply for a credit card asap. You can still count his income on your application because, you are married. Photocopy all important documents - do an internet search for a list but, it should include your marriage license, tax returns, 401k statements, titles, cd's, bank statements, etc... I would deffinitely try to get a copy of his cell phone records to rule out an affair. Again, make lists to focus your thoughts. Not sure how long the marriage was but, if you are close to 10 years drag it out because, you get more alimony per year and you can use his social secuity benefits if you make it to 10 years. You are special and you deserve someone who is in love with you. Yeah, you're in a pickle but, its not hopeless!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 8:54pm

Just because everything is in his name has no bearing on what you are entitled to. If it was owned while you were married and marital money was used to pay for it (his income and yours), then you get a share of it.

How long have you been married? If its been some time, then you will get spousal support to get yourself on your feet, and if you have children with him you will get child support.

Can you find an attorney who will talk to you about how to prepare for this? If you have no money, then the court can order him to pay for your attorney.

Do follow the advice of the previous poster, get copies of paperwork stored somewhere safe outside the home. And do not tell your husband what you are doing. Its not his business anymore.

M.