New here...why is it so hard?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
New here...why is it so hard?
4
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 2:36pm

I'm new to this board.

I've been married for 3 years now. My entire marriage has been an uphill battle. The first year I learned that he was addicted to pain killers...oxy and coke. We sent him to Seattle to attend treatment that cost over $15,000. When he came back we found out I was pregnant. He confessed the same day that he cheated on me while in rehab. Stupid me. I was emotional and took him back. (This whole "addict" world was new to me. I had no clue he was strung out 99% of the time)

During my pregnancy he cheated on me with random women. I found out when one of the hoes left a voice message giggling about how she lost a button in our car from their romp. He was suppose to be working. He was actually unemployed the whole time. Still is. He lost $5000 to online gambling.

He stays home. Eats. Watches porn. I pay for childcare for the little one because I personally didn't trust him to be responsible.

I finally decided to kick him out to his mothers house. I filed for divorce. All marital assets were mine before the marriage. My house was paid off before we met. He's cost me so much in money and emotion.

I know I'm making the right decision. But why is it still so draining? Like the future and all the dreams are gone?

I will never go back. Don't get me wrong.

Thank you for allowing me to vent.

Maelynn

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:11pm

Maelynn,


Yes you are doing the right thing. It's still hard for the very thing you mention: it's giving up the dream of what could have been. When we let go a person we also have to let go of all the things we hoped would be because of the relationship.


Use this experience to set your standards high and keep your radar up and going when you reenter the dating game. Addicted people are good actors. Know what you truly want from a man so in the future you won't settle for anything less.


Good luck and keep looking forward.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 3:13pm
Whether living with him was a not a lot of fun, to say the least, you had had dreams of a future together. Now, having realized that that was a dream, not reality, you have done the right thing for you by removing him from your home and your child. However, you are probably still grieving the loss of that dream, that fantasy of "what if," the thing you were working towards in sending him to rehab. This is normal. I don't know if it helps to hear that or not, but there it is. You are feeling normal feelings given the circumstances. It probably won't last long. If it seems like it's lasting too long, you might want to have a few visits with a counselor, but, otherwise, you're doing great in recognizing reality.

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I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 12:10am
I too am married to an addict: alcohol, cocaine, vicodin and gambling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-15-2008 - 8:47pm
I'm sorry that you have gone through this! I wish you all the best.

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I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


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