New here..with a confession..long read

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
New here..with a confession..long read
3
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 1:06pm
Here is my story....It may be a long read, I don't know yet. That all depends on how long I need to get everything out.

When I first started seeing my STBX, I was already married. My first ex ignored me, didn't want anything to do with me, and then became abusive. I left the first marriage and jumped from the frying pan into the fire. After all the smoke cleared and everyone cooled off life was good. Of course we had our ups and downs, but then again everyone does. After two years we had just about had enough of each other. We were done and calling it quits! Thats when we found out that we were pregnant. Of course the timeing couldn't have been worse since we already had talked about going our seperate ways. For me this was a blessing and a curse b/c I had wanted a baby for so long and I finally got what I wanted, yet I didn't have the man that I wanted it with, b/c we were going our own ways. He and his Mom jumped on the BIGGEST "she needs to get an Abortion" bandwagon I have ever witnessed. I use to cry myself to sleep at night, b/c it seemed that every night he would get a call from his mother asking him if I had gotten one or not. If he had talked me into it yet or not. I told him to go and that I would take care of this child on my own. I don't remember what the turning point was with him but something made him wise up. I don't know if he felt that I just wasn't going to do it so better suck it up or what, but something happened. From there our marriage only got better. It's like this little person brought us back to where we wanted to be with each other. Our son was born and life was good. About two years later, after coming home from visiting family with our son he announces proudly that he doesn't want to be married anymore. He says it was because I didn't do enough around the house, cook enough, or take care of the laundry. I didn't want to make a home, or decorate. Thats not me...never have been a Susie homemaker. Thats fine for other people, but I'm just not that way. And he knew all of this about me before we got married. I was and am still working full time.I was trying to be a full time mom and a full time wife. I guess something had to give and maybe what gave wasn't the right thing? We talked about working it out but he wasn't sure that he was in love with me anymore. Everyday after that was a roller coster and I didn't want my life like that. So I gave him a month to decide if he wanted me and our family, and if he couldn't make up his mind by then I was moving out. A month came and went and when he was still riding the fence I moved out. About three months into being seperated I started talking to a guy I knew from work. We hit it off and everything was going well. We saw each other for about a month and just realized that the both of us were just going through the motions b/c we were trying to fill that hole that was now there. About 6 months later a long time friend of mine and I started seeing each other. Only one problem...I just had now become the OW. He was in a really bad marriage. His now STBX was was not only verbally but mentally abusive to him. Something I am sad to say that I had to see first hand. Since he left her things with he and I had gotten to the point where I don't think I had ever been happier in life, next to having my son. This has lasted for about 10 months now. We are now seperated because of work and can only really talk to each other on the phone. However, since he left his wife things have gotten to the point of being out of control with her. She calles and harrasses not only him but his bosses at work. Mainly, because she says she needs more money. From what she says she makes more money than he does and gets $1000 a month in child support but is always out of money. Everything that is going on between them is spilling over into our relationship and putting a really big strain on us. I have backed away from him in order to give him room to deal with her and all the drama that she creates. However, I feel as if I am at my wits end with the whole thing. Sometimes I feel like I should just walk away all together and take my losses. Or do I fight and fight and maybe get no where in the long run?

I am not proud of having become the OW in someone else's marriage. And life has thrown me a few curve balls, but life has brought me here. How do I live with the title I have given to myself? Or do I just cut my losses and move on or stay and fight? These are the things that I search for but never can seem to find. Any and all advice is welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 7:36pm

Why don't you spend some time alone?

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:17pm
I am glad you didnt have an abortion. My H too had wanted me to get one 28 years ago and I said no and moved out. we werent married yet. he decided he wanted to be a father then and before my son was born he moved in. and I demanded he marry me. things were different back in the late 70's,
Be careful what any new men tell you . My STBX was telling me that the OW ....her husband had beat her up once. and I said what did you tell her about us? And he said I told her I slapped you.
OMG he beat me till I was completely covered in bruises and I guess the other So called slaps he gave me only gave me bruises on part or half of my body. Of course they were nothing compared to the emotional bruises I have had.
Be careful and take care of yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 7:18am

Hi Nothing Left,


Glad you found us!


Here's my two cents. I hope it's helpful to you.


First, I see you in one rebound relationship after another. Have you ever stopped to give yourself time to heal and discover what it is you really want in life?

CL-Wisdomtooth2020