new member

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
new member
15
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 7:08pm

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to introduce myself as I'm a new member here. I'm in the final days of my divorce, and it hasn't been easy in the least. I guess you get to a point where you realize that nobody really understands what you're going through until you actually talk to someone who's going through the same thing, and that's why today I felt the need to become a member.

We had been married for five years, and we had separated in August, gotten back together in October, just in time for our fifth anniversary. However, there were things done and said leading up to this day, and we separated again, this time for the final time. Between us we have a four-year-old son named Ethan and I feel lost when he's not around. I'm living in the house, and sometimes it's nice and quiet because I can be alone with my thoughts, but there are other times when the silence becomes viciously loud and no matter what I do, I can't escape the memories.

Today, after months of planning, I painted Ethan's room. It had looked so dead, so lifeless without him in there, and I thought how much easier it would be to go in there if I had painted it a cheerful color. So I picked slate blue, and decided to do a Nascar-theme since he loves cars so much. I must have worked on that room for three hours, all the while listening to the Astros game on the radio to have some kind of audio presence. Well, a little while ago after I stepped back and smiled at the cheerfulness now present in his room, I realized that there's nobody there to look at it. I just began to feel sad because my family was gone, even though the relationship between me and her was shaky at best. I don't want to seem like a sad sack, I usually try to be happy and smile as much as possible, but these last few months have taken a toll on me, and now, I just struggle through each day, realizing where my life goes from here.

I would like to make some lasting friendships, because I think that without a ton of friends, no one can make it through something like this alone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: spinmajic
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 7:30pm

Hi spinmajic...


WELCOME TO THE BOARD!


Most of us who post here have been through (or are in the process of going through) at least one divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
In reply to: spinmajic
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 7:55pm
thanks piano guy, some days just roll by so easy, but for some reason, it's these lazy sundays that always get me. This is my second divorce, and at some point you begin to wonder where you keep going wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 5:58am

hi there and welcome! i am glad that you joined - i hope that you will find the same comfort and support that i found (and continue to find)


you said -

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 9:12am

Welcome Spinmagic - Youre right, i suppose unless you have, or are gong thru, divorce, as in any major life issue, no one can REALLY understand until they themselves go thru it. Thats what is so great about these boards.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:01am
Welcome, spinmajic. I know it must be hard to adjust not having your son there all the time. But as others have said, you still are a family, it's just a different kind of family from before. When you do something you know your son will enjoy, like painting his room, you don't get to instantly share it with him. But you can look forward to his excitement when he does see it. The times when your house starts to feel too lonely, do you have friends you can visit? Or do you have any interests/hobbies you can explore to take advantage of your newly found free time? Any sports/clubs/organizations that interest you would be a great way to make some new friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:21pm

Today has been a little bit better, I put a nascar wall border around his room and just sat back and looked at the creation, and though I'm no artist, he won't notice or even care that I got some blue paint on the ceiling, or painted outside the lines, or any of that stuff. And tonight I want to shoot off to Toys 'R Us and get him that sports car bed. I know he'll love it. The thing that pleases me the most is that his room is coming alive finally, and it's not just a dump site that it became when they moved out.
I paid some bills today, so I feel better about that, and I even had a nice conver-
sation with her in IM last night, even though she can be tricky, and although I'm not really supposed to be talking to her, she thought it was sweet what I did to his room.
I just really appreciate all the kindness I've received since I posted my message. You guys are the best!

~David~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:51pm
That sounds good David. How come you arent suppossed to be talking? I *wish* my STBX had a computer so i COULD IM or Email him - it woudl be MUCH less stressful than having to speak with him!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:57pm

David,


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 2:03pm

Hi David and welcome! I know this is very hard for you right now and my heart goes out to you! Just take comfort in knowing that you are going to be fine and so is your son. I hope your STBX isn't one of those hateful people (notice ladies, I didn't make this a gender issue) who would not let you see him.

For some of us, we have been married to some doosies who think that they are so perfect, it's pathetic, and are being persecuted by fighting for custody. To me, you sound like a very attentive, loving dad who deserves to share in the upbringing of your son.

He will love his room, and he will love the fact that you did it just for him. Good Job! Keep your chin up David and post here often...we are always willing to help any way we can!

Huge Hugs!

Melanie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
In reply to: spinmajic
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 4:13pm

Hi David! I don't have any different advice from what's already posted. I just wanted to say hi and welcome. And send some good thoughts your way. My parents were divorced when I was in 1st grade and we moved with my mom from Texas to NC over the summer. Dad stayed in Texas. That was a long time ago when divorces were not that common -- and technology was not as advanced. No computers, and long distance phone calls were expensive. But, my dad didn't care about that and we knew we could pick up the phone and call him any time and as many times as we wanted. It wasn't until I was in jr high/high school when I was reading about "broken homes" and how sad it must be for the kids when I realized that I fit into that category. The important part here is that even with so much distance between us, I never felt like I didn't have a dad or he wasn't there for me. I sometimes think of how wonderful it would have been to have email and IM when he was alive! I know you feel alone, and I know your son misses you too, but like the others said, he's still family. I look forward to hearing from you.

Ruth

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