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| Sun, 04-24-2005 - 7:08pm |
Hello everyone,
I just wanted to introduce myself as I'm a new member here. I'm in the final days of my divorce, and it hasn't been easy in the least. I guess you get to a point where you realize that nobody really understands what you're going through until you actually talk to someone who's going through the same thing, and that's why today I felt the need to become a member.
We had been married for five years, and we had separated in August, gotten back together in October, just in time for our fifth anniversary. However, there were things done and said leading up to this day, and we separated again, this time for the final time. Between us we have a four-year-old son named Ethan and I feel lost when he's not around. I'm living in the house, and sometimes it's nice and quiet because I can be alone with my thoughts, but there are other times when the silence becomes viciously loud and no matter what I do, I can't escape the memories.
Today, after months of planning, I painted Ethan's room. It had looked so dead, so lifeless without him in there, and I thought how much easier it would be to go in there if I had painted it a cheerful color. So I picked slate blue, and decided to do a Nascar-theme since he loves cars so much. I must have worked on that room for three hours, all the while listening to the Astros game on the radio to have some kind of audio presence. Well, a little while ago after I stepped back and smiled at the cheerfulness now present in his room, I realized that there's nobody there to look at it. I just began to feel sad because my family was gone, even though the relationship between me and her was shaky at best. I don't want to seem like a sad sack, I usually try to be happy and smile as much as possible, but these last few months have taken a toll on me, and now, I just struggle through each day, realizing where my life goes from here.
I would like to make some lasting friendships, because I think that without a ton of friends, no one can make it through something like this alone.

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Thank you Angelina for your kind words. You guys have just been terrific since I started coming here, and I can't say thank you enough. :)
~David~
Well unfortunately the rain is too bad to run and get his bed, so I'll have to do that later in the week I guess :) I'm actually making dinner for myself again, there were times when all I would eat would be frosted flakes or ice cream because I thought, well it's just me here, why bother? But, I'm skinny enough now, so I figured I may as well learn to cook for myself :) and usually I'll sit down with a DVD. (Since she took all 41 of the DVD's we previously owned, I've built up a nice collection again... :) )
~David~
Hi Ruth, thank you for responding. Still haven't quite figured out how this board works yet, so I don't know if responding to you goes on the board or what have you, but in any case, thank you so much for your concern. Things will get better, I just get sad sometimes, like a few minutes ago I was going through the pantry to see what I can fix for myself and there were some old pasta roni boxes. As vicious as she's been (which is a story for another day unless you really wanna hear it) I still miss her I guess, but I know that after all that's been done, I could never go back to something that was making me totally unhappy inside.
~David~
I felt really good this morning when I was going to work and realized it when I ran into someone who told me it was nice to see me really smiling again. I can't tell you why I felt good, but stopped thinking about so I wouldn't jinx it!
In another post you said something about a song and music show. What's the music show? I'd llike to try to listen to it. And if you'd send me the song, that would be cool. I don't know that one. I think it was by Don Johnson of all people! LOL My email should be on my page...
Ruth
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