? On new relationship during Divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
? On new relationship during Divorce
6
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 11:28am

I have filed for my divorce (back in July), however, we are still in the beginning stages of this process. Just within the last few weeks I have met someone and have started to spend time with him. Is there any recourse that my STBX can take against me - say if he hired a private investigator - is this considered cheating? My STBX has had a girlfriend for over a year so its not like he hasn’t moved on, but I just want to make sure that I am not overstepping my limits during this process. I definitely don't want to jeopardize my situation by any means. Any advice or comments are welcome...

Thanks,
TD

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 11:47am

Hi there td,

You question depends on the state where you live. So I'd ask your lawyer.

In the grand scheme of things, if you were discovered, it would be embarrassing, but probably not legally bad.

I would like to caution you regarding your relationship -- this is a rebound relationship. The likelihood of a relationship/marriage, formed within 2 years of the date of the finalized divorce decree, is that it will fail. Please do not kid yourself about what you are experiencing or you will face even more heartache !

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 12:09pm
Thank you for you input. I know that this is a rebound, and in fact he knows where I am at as far as not getting into a serious relationship. We are just building a friendship at this point and enjoying each other’s company. I guess I’m concerned about what my STBX (or his family for that matter) is capable of doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:43pm
So might this mean that if he was already in a relationship before he even asked me to leave, that relationship might not work out? Am I evil to hope that? Or do other women feel that way? Is there a chance that he might screw up his life like he screwed up mine?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 2:41pm

< So might this mean that if he was already in a relationship before he even asked me to leave, that relationship might not work out? >

Its very likely the case. If he marries her after divorcing you, its likely that marriage will end in divorce.

< Am I evil to hope that? >

this is something to work on -- I can understand wishing the ex a world of awfulness. That's part of grieving, the anger portion. But for your own sake, you want to rid your self of the anger and ill wishes.

I am a man. I don't know about other women. What you are getting is the benefit of my experience.

Yup.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 11:32pm

It does depend on what state you live in.I live in PA and when my D started back in 2003 because I was seeking alimony my lawyer told me NOT to meet any man ,NOt to have any men come to my home,NOt to be seen with any men. She said that even though my husband might tell me he is out of town alot of times their lawyers tell them to say that so they can hire a PI and catch me in the company of a man. Now while PA is a no fault state and it should not matter if I am seeing someone when the case goes before a judge and the judge would of course find out I was seeing a man even though the judge should not hold that against me he could make sure I ended up getting alot less alimony. SO thats what I was told ,oh and my D dragged on for 3years,it was final one year ago this month.


Oh and my X he moved out in Jan of 2005 and met a chick in Feb and now they are looking at $300-400 thousand dollar homes so they can move in together. Now keep in mind the whole time my D went on my X was pissing and moaning that paying me alimony would be a financial burden. So anyway I hope the stats that show the rebound relationship will fail is true. I would love nothing more to find out that the X and his g/f split after they get done buying their new love nest. That would make my day. And I do think they will not grow old together because as soon as his g/f see the real him,she will run for her life.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 9:34pm
I have been seperated for a year and a half, both my STBX and I have had a relationship. I did the rebound and I am involved with an awesome man now. Check the law in your state