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| Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:13pm |
Well I have been lurking these boards for a while now. My STBX of 2 years, but together for 10, has been a very difficult man to live with for those 10 years. We have 2 kids who I know are wonderful little darlings, but with all that has been going on at home with my H, I seem to "dislike" my children and spending time with them. I know that's wrong, and I know that time will change everything.
My STBX cheated on me and left me in 2000 when we were planning our wedding in October 2000. I was devastated - never been cheated on before - alone with 2 kids - not sure how to react. I begged and pleaded for us to work things out. It was all sex and money related. We went through a bankruptcy... moved, lived tight, and eventually I talked him into counselling - but one time was all he did. That was it. So I lived with it. Things got better over time but he often resorted to online chatting or "meetings" and told me once it was a "thrill" knowing he can get away with it. I always found out... I used to want to be a detective, so you can imagine, when I want to know something, I find out for myself.
Anyways, after a couple of years, we decided it was time to get married. He promised me time and time again he did not want to lose me - blah blah blah! So we planned out wedding... Which happened this time in August 2003. Boy my family and the DKS were sure happy that we had FINALLY wed.
Just last summer - he met someone for "oral" as we were not getting too intimate. How sick is that???? I was disgusted. At the same time, I was dealing with my mom and her cancer (breast) and being in the hospital a lot. So sex was not exactly on my mind. Maybe being held and knowing that i can turn to him when I was sad, or angry that I knew my mom would be leaving us. So we started living seperate lives... And then he messed up with money, resulting in us having to move AGAIN, the van payments being WAY behind and forced into a repo, then my mom passed away in September 2004.
Now here we are one year later, and all I can think about is wanting him out of my life. I day dream of being alone with the kids and playing with them, taking walks, doing special things just the 3 of us. I know I would be a much happier and better mom with my H out of the picture.
I am just scared of the "being alone ALL the time" situation. And I worry about money. But I am already working on my seperation papers, and I know all the info I need for child support etc. Actually, he is offering to give me MORE than what is expected according to the tables, so I will take what i can! LOL!
So I am here, reading everyone's posts, in hopes that I can (1) take some advie, and (2) give some as well!
Anyone wanting to chat, feel free to email me... I am from the Ottawa, Ontario area.
Have a good afternnon everyone!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I am getting separated and am very scared, but somewhere deep down, I knew this relationship had its problems. Money being one and lack of caring, tenderness. All the things I crave and need. I know that I will heal and hopefully, make life choices that enrich MY SPIRIT and not always wondering what he thinks, wants, needs,etc. I have forgotten what I want. I don't have kids, but I have 2 dogs and a cat. We aren't living apart yet, but sometimes it has felt like it anyway.
I am worried about this weekend and what is going to happen, but I have to look ahead and know that I could come out of this better than ever. It might be pure hell before then, but I plan to come out the other side renewed and with a plan for my life as I see it, not where he would take me.
Good luck. You are so much stronger than you realize. Don't be afraid.
Thank you so very much for your kind words. I know I will make it, and I just like you know deep down that this was coming, and this is for the best. I just wish he would leave and get it over and done with. One day he says he is leaving, then he says he will stay in the basement, and then he wants to work things out. I need to feel loved again, which is something I have not felt in many years. I should have seen the problems with him and how he gets his priorities backwards way back when... But I was young and foolish. I have been with him for 10 years and I am only 31 with 2 kids. So at this age, it seems like an eternity! But I have so much life in me, I need to be able to see that side of me!
Thanks again... I am heading home now from work, so let's see what kind of weekend I get this time!
Hugs to everyone!
As I read your post, I could hear the same things coming from me just a few months ago. I felt resentment towards my kids because their dad was always gone, leaving me alone to take care of *everything* (bills, cleaning, cooking, yard work, etc, etc,) and I never had a "breather" from them. I was so angry at him for not loving me (he told me almost two years ago that he didn't love me and probably never did but would stay with me to be with his kids) and leaving me to cope with everything including the children begging to see him and asking me why he was never home that I realized I would be so much better without him. I left him in May and have discovered a whole new world for me and my kids. I can truly say that I never made a better decision. He was weighing me down with his control-freak ways, his spending our money without consulting me, disappearing for hours or days at a time. We, too, had a wedding planned that never happened and then was re-planned and went though and believe me, I wish I had seen the light after the first called-off wedding but then again, I wouldn't have my two beautiful kids that make life wonderful.
So now I spend glorious time with my kids, loving them, playing with them and enjoying the little joys of life without him bogging us down. When they are with him (which is every other weekend and one night a week) he can do whatever he wants with them and I have a some time to rejuvinate. Don't get me wrong, I would rather be in a love-filled home with my kids 24/7 with a man who cares about us but that just wasn't going to happen with him and I'm glad I realized it before I screwed up my kids (and myself more than I was already screwed up). I have also seen that his relationship has improved with them as well since he now actually spends time with them.
I'm pretty new to this board but love getting ideas and thoughts from other women going through what I am. Good luck to you and let us know how things go.