new to these things, but floundering

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
new to these things, but floundering
11
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 6:58pm

I usually don't go on these boards, but I am at the point where I don't know where to turn. Have read some messages and realize that I am not alone. There are others out there with similiar problems.


I have an alcoholic husband who, of course, chooses beer over the marriage. I am the sole supporter of the family, as my husband doesn't work. I have paid for everything. The house, all the furnishings, food, insurances, electric, phone, etc. He contributes nothing. My husband has some "friends" that drink right along with him and act just

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 12:17am

you are living in hell on earth, you have got to do whatever it takes to get this cancerous-man out of your life. but please know that you are not alone. we are here for you on these message boards. you should try talking to other adults, like a pastor or a counselor, about what they would do as a next step.

good luck.








life isn't always by the book....


http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com



life isn't always by the book....
http://life-by-the-book.blogspot.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 12:36am

Dear glm,


I am really sorry for your situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 12:09pm

Thank you very much for your response. I need contact with people who can understand my problem. You asked about my husband and work. He is a cement mason. When he does work, he does block work for new homes, fireplaces, etc. He does beautiful work. However, he begins drinking as soon as he wakes in the morning, about 5:30am and continues until 6:00pm when he goes to bed. The drinking has affected the job. Right now the construction market is terrible. when he does work, he keeps all of his money and doesn't give anything to the family.


I am a stubborn English woman and I don't really want to give this man half of things he has not contributed to. Minnesota is a no-fault divorce state. Basically means that the assets are divided in half and given up. He hasn't contributed anything! He would also get half of my work pension. He doesn't have a pension. He has nothing! He would get alot of money to go and drink away.


I have 4 children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 1:48pm

Hi there GLM...


Have you considered something like al-anon?

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 1:01pm

Thank you for your response. I have tried Al-Anon many times. It helped me realize that I need to take care of me first. Which I did by going back to school. I can definitely take care of myself. I just can't get rid of him. Minnesota laws are weird. The judge could even make me pay my husband alimony as he isn't working! WHAT!!!??? Most of these laws were developed to help a woman after divorce. Generally they stayed home with the kids and the husband worked outside of the home. Well, now the roles have new meanings, but the laws are still weird. I have talked to a lawyer, and he told me that I would be better off if my spouse died. That was pleasant. NOT! He does have severe liver disease caused by the drinking. Believe it or not, he has been to treatment three times! He just doesn't want to stop drinking.


I will try the website that you posted: womanlaws.com. Maybe they can give me some insight.


Thanks again!! G

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 6:16pm

Good Luck... it is womenslaw.ORG... don't want you to get frustrated looking for it... you can also search google for Domestic Violence and it pops up...


Karen, can you help me with this one... aren't there laws in many states that state if the NCP isn't working to avoid CS that they can be forced to pay upon their ability to pay (based on education level or previous salaries) as opposed to their current salary... Keep us posted...

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 11:02pm

Hey.... Julie is correct.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 9:06am

This is going to sound HORRIBLE, but it might be to your advantage to wait him out until the NEXT event.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 7:13pm

Thank you so very much for your advice. I had another event. My oldest daughter called the sheriff to come and do a welfare check this past weekend. They could not take my husband in for probation violation due to having no prob officer on record. (He was really loaded.) So, my daughter then found out

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Fri, 01-11-2008 - 8:10am

GOOD FOR YOU!

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