Newbie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Newbie!
5
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 9:36am

Hello!
I'm currently going through a divorce (I'll *try* to keep it short).
I was married for 10 years to a man who was emotionally abusive and controlling. It took me 4 years to get the nerve up to walk away after begging him to try councelling with me, but he wouldn't (*here's your sign LOL).
I moved out last October, but waited to file because I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. The thing that scared me the most was surviving. I had been a stay at home mom for 10 years (thus I had no income of my own). I moved to my mom's and I am currently there with our two children (ages 4 and 11).
I officially filed in June and we are slowly getting there. He is fighting me on everything and wants to give me less than half of what I am due (in our state, its and automatic 50/50 split of assets). He still tries to control and manipulate me, but I am slowly growing a backbone.
Life is great now, I have a great job (or jobs, I work 2 of them). I'm enrolled in college (something he wouldn't let me do) and It's so nice to be enjoying life again, even though it has its days. I got temporary custody of the kids and he see's them 3 weekends a month. They are doing really well. The first few months were rough, but now, a year later, my 11 year old is like a totally different kid. It's amazing to watch her come out of her shell and be happy too.

Looking forward to getting to know you all......laugh with you all and cry with you all!
My favorite chant to say on those bad days with the EX is "it could be worse I could still be living with him.....it could be worse I could still be living with him"
Try it, it works LOL!!
Amie

Amie Choiniere Office Manager~Mom~Domestic Goddess~Student~Wine Lover~Girlfriend~Gardener~Decorator~Vinyl Wall Lettering Queen!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
In reply to: ipleadthe5th
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 9:56am

Amie,

I am sorry for your circumstances, but glad you found this board. I love your slogan - I am a newbie here too, and I am SOOOOO looking forward to moving out. It's so reassuring to hear that others feel the same.

Thanks for posting your story. You sound like you are doing great by yourself, and also for your kids! I haven't worked in 4 years, and out of everything, I think getting back into the work force is what I am most scared of. It is good to hear from someone who has done it sucessfully. I am intending to move home to NYC, and I don't know how I am going to make ends meet. The one thing I do know is that it will be better than living with STBX.

Thanks again!

Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: ipleadthe5th
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 1:02pm

Glad you're here Amie!... and even more happy to hear that you and your kiddos are doing great!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
In reply to: ipleadthe5th
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 2:56pm

I do worry about how my children will adjust. DS is 15 and tells me that he is fine with the change and that he understands. I am hoping he will become a different child once the stress of the marriage is gone. DD (10) may be a different story, although she is quite mature.

I'm glad to hear of aimees positive experience with her child.

christine

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: ipleadthe5th
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 3:07pm

Keep the communication open... you don't have to "harass" them to talk to you... but do let them know that you're available to hear them if they need that (and remind them frequently... but not *too* frequently).


I told my kids that even though they might understand, it's still understandable to have emotions about it... and to express them.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: ipleadthe5th
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 7:57am

"NEVER apologize for something that leads to your happiness or make yourself responsible. Life and changes happen, and sometimes moving past things in life isn't pleasant.... but necessary to get to a better place.... and that doesn't deserve any apologies."

OK, Karen! THAT is the quote of the week. I can't tell you how many times I allowed my guilt to over-run me an apologized to my son about the divorce, custody, arrangement.