Newbie here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2002
Newbie here...
2
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 9:40am

Hi! I've been lurking on the board for about a day now and am finding out you are truly a bunch of wonderful people who seem to have been through everything that life can possibly throw their way.


I am a 38 y.o. 12yr. married mostly stay at home. I work once in a rare while and when I do it's pretty good money but it's not always easy.


Before I married my h we were fishing with some friends and he got kind of nasty with me and made me cry. My friends told me that I shouldn't do it. Dummy me. We were married two months when I got pregnant with dd #1. When dd#2 was about 2 1/2 months old he got so upset that he threw us out. Guess what dummy went back. Fast forward to now.


We have run into some financial struggles because of him saying give me a check I have to go get something even after I told him that I hadn't balanced the checkbook or paid the bills. There were even times when he wanted something and asked if I could push something around so he could afford to buy it. We haven't lost our house or anything even though the banker called him and told him they were about to start foreclosure on us. (I don't think it was the 3 months out when he said that either).


I will admit I was not always the best with the bills and stuff. H said that when he went into the bank the other day the banker told him that he was so glad that h had taken control of the money because it was too much for me and I just couldn't handle it.


There was another time when my oldest dd was selling her golf cart and I hadn't been putting the money in the bank since I was the one who bought it. H told me that someone at the bank gave him information on the girls accounts even though the only names on those accts are mine and the girls and absolutely no one has any access to any information of any kind to those accounts either than me unless they have permission. Guess who has NEVER had permission to obtain any info of any kind on those accts. When I went into the bank one day my h questioned me being in there. I think the banker called and told him.


Last night while working on a guys car (the guy was there) my oldest dd went to dad to get some money for me to pick up some crisco so I could make an apple pie (I need it for the crust). He told her that I would have to pay him back when I got my check. I guess the guy looked at him like he was out of his mind.


I think I am ready to make the final call. I love my house but hate the fact that his dad lives across the street. With having two girls I've already been told that I would have the house. We also have a shop two doors down. He's basically told me that I would never get the house. I want to make it clear even before I make the call that if he refuses to let me and the girls live in the house (of which he will have to make the house payment since the shop is tied into it) I will not only force the sale of the house but he will have to sell the shop as well. I have had someone tell me that I probably would not get the house since my name is not on the deed. I told her it didn't matter since we said 'I do' I'm entitled to it. He purchased the house before we were married but before he could move in, it was such a dump that I did most of the cleaning in the house. I did all the work in the kitchen by myself with the exception maybe of painting the ceiling. There was some other painting where others helped but he had me scrubbing the walls with 409 before it we applied the kilz. I guess I've had a big steak in this house for a long time.


The oldest girl is so sarcastic. This morning the youngest asked if I was still sick (just coming off a cold). I told her I wasn't. The oldest said she thought I always was. 'Sick of dad'. Last night she also kind of wished that he was the roadkill on the side of the road. Yeah.


When I finally get smart I know he is going to throw finances as the reason. I am going in with a clear cut case of verbal and emotional abuse of both me and the girls and if he wants to call in his buddies, I'll call in their wives and a whole bunch more people that he thinks are his friends.


Enough of me on my soapbox. Does anyone know what the chances would be of me getting the house and having a nice life. I am an LPN who kind of wants a career change and is applying at UPS for the hours and incredible benefits. I've been going to apply there for an extremely long time but h has always made fun of me when I've mentioned it. Saying that I couldn't handle it. Little does he know.


Thanks for your help!


Lynda


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:24am

You really need to talk to an attorney in your state. Here are some problems I see with your assumptions right off the back:

just because you get the kids doesn't mean you get the house

he may ask for 50-50 custody and get it.

he won't necessarily be told to pay all the house bills(maybe just 50% or some portion).

if you switch jobs to UPS and have to work any odd hours he may actually get more than 50-50

When you say the house and the shop are "tied together" what exactly do you mean? It is one building lot with both buildings? It is one loan/mortgage for both properties? or is the loan for the shop on the house?

you need to be careful with the fact that he purchased the house prior to the marriage - an attorney can advise you on the laws in your state. Can you prove your sweat equity in the house - do you have receipts for the work you did and before and after pictures?

This is what I would do: Get copies of all financial statements/deed/insurance policies/mortgages. Talk to your bank manager regarding his a** and a lawyer if he discloses information about an account to a non account holder.

If you are not good at finances, you really need to sit down with a professional who is and work out exactly what you will need to survive independently and see where your money goes.

Run your credit report so you know about all the debt in your name. If your H is cozy with the bank manager who knows what is going on?

If your xh has some kind of auto repair business, is your vehicle in your name?

Good luck - please do get some professional advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 2:40pm

I seond that... You NEED an attorney. It probably won't be "bad" news (or not all of it) but you are making a lot of assumptions. You need to be educated on the laws of your state. The house is not a given -- especially since it was purchased prior to the marriage. The custody is not a given. None of this is a given unless he readily agrees to it. Otherwise it is all up for negotiation, mediation and litigation.

I'm sorry that I'm not more helpful.

((((hugs)))

Kate

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