Newbie with questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Newbie with questions
5
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 3:01pm

Hello Everyone,

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I have a 12 year old son. I am finally ready to divorce my husband of 14 years. I should have done it years ago. Now I know I can do it. A few things though.

1.) I work for my husband, so obviously I will need to find another job. It will be very difficult considering I do not have a college degree.

2.) My husband makes very good money. Is there a certain percentage that is normally granted for alimony and child support? I live in FL.

3.) We own a very expensive house but unfortunately we have no equity in the house so we won't make anything from the sale of it. I would never be able to make the mortgage payments on the house alone.

I know that I should get a good lawyer and take their advice. I was just wondering from all of you what I can expect in my situation.

Thanks so much!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 7:46pm

Hi,

I'm in the same boat as you, excpet I have two kids 12 & 6, but should have left years ago but held on.

I am not sure where to start or how to go about this either, so if you ever want to vent or exchange info let me know!

Best wishes,
Lu

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:33pm

Hey...


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 8:02pm
I live in NY and I believe that alimony is based on your income as well as the duration of the marriage. You have been married over 10 years so you may get that on top of CS. As for the house, up here you can try to keep it if you prove that it is in the emotional welfare of your children ( they would have to change schools if you moved etc.). My son is 17 months so my house is going on the market. A lawyer will get the best deal for you. They are expensve but worth it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:53pm

"1.) I work for my husband ... "

Yes. This is a problem. You face unemployment.

"2.) My husband makes very good money. Is there a certain percentage that is normally granted for alimony and child support? I live in FL. "

You should be able to find this out on line. Alimony is a pre-tax deduction to the ex-spouse and shows up as your income. Child support is post-tax and does not show up as income.

"3.) We own a very expensive house ... "

This will be a problem!

"I know that I should get a good lawyer ... "

I will probably express an unpopular opinion here. Lawyers are in business for themselves. The ideal client is a very upset and angry person because that person will want to express their anger via th ecourts, to the tune of $250 to $400 an hour.

Your best strategy is to learn as much as you can on your own, like what is the normal guidelines in your state (and its usually county by county).

It will turn into two seperate actions - the divorce and child support.

As to the divorce: (assets + debts) divided by two. This pertains to assets and debt acquired during the marriage. Its that simple. Or you can spend money on the lawyers till the cows come home arguing and arguing.

Alimony will probably be granted, but on a descending scale with the expectation that you will become econmically self-sufficient over 5 or 7 years.

As to the son: what truely is in your son's best interest? At 12 he's probably better off with dad, presuming dad is not an addict, an abuser or a felon. Please keep in mind that at 12, he's well aware of all of the nastiness that goes back and forth between you and stbx. So faster is better for the son's sake.

Child support will be determined based on the current "life style", and the percentage or time the son spends with each parent. It should also address incurance concerns, division of unpaid/unfunded medical bills, and life insurance on the parents.

Child support is meant to support the child, presuming mom already has a paid-for home environment.

You can attempt to codify "good parenting" behaviours into an agreement, but they are utterly unenforceable, so it tends to be a waste of money. But every lawyers I've met is more that willing to try, especially at $400 an hour.

Divorcing with kids is traumatic to all involved. So if there's a way to negotiate with your stbx, do it. If your stbx offers you a deal that 80% or more of what is the state normal guideline, take it. Otherwise, you are giving your sons college money to the lawyers.

If you are angry with stbx, wait till the divorce is over and settled then kick him in the crotch. Don't manifest your anger in the courts, its too expensive.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 8:31pm

Hi Wellesly,

I don't have any insight as to what you can expect since you live in a different state than I do, and I don't know which laws are or are not regulated by each state. Maybe all of them are for all I know.

I agree with Karen/wild lucky though, that you should at least consult with a lawyer.

I guess it's one thing if you feel you would have the confidence, emotional strength, and whatever else it takes to handle a divorce without a lawyer, but for me, I can't imagine having done it without one (and I'm not rolling in the dough by any means). At the time, I was way too emotional to feel confident in trusting my own ability to cover all the bases, or to even feel I could really rely on my own instincts or memory 100%. It was all just too much for me to deal with on my own, so for me having a lawyer helped me feel much more confident, and not quite as overwhelmed.

Maybe you're past feeling real emotional or overwhelmed, as you sound like you may have been thinking about this for a long time already, but maybe it would still benefit you to have a lawyer because it can let you (as someone else phrased this in another post) "free up some of your own mind-space" for all you have to deal with while going through a divorce. I thought that was well put, and very true.

You do sound like you'll still have a lot to deal with even if the emotional part doesn't seem like it will be the hardest part right now. Having a lawyer doesn't mean you have to agree with them on everything they suggest. If you want the process to go as quickly as possible, and think your stbx and you can negotiate a lot of things before the court dates, it doesn't have to be drawn out into a huge ugly battle.

Good luck with everything.
T