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| Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:04am |
Dear newbies to divorce,
I sympathize with all of your emotion that you are currently feeling and the grief and heartache and the beliefs that you are still holding onto. But I'm giving you one piece of advice, everything you hear on this board that people tell you to do to protect yourself finacially....LISTEN TO IT!! I didn't and now it's hurting me, I believed my husband would not do things to affect his children financially, I believed that my husband would let us stay in our home. I believed in him....after 19 years what else did I have to go on,he was a good christian man that did not believe in lying.
He has now quit his job, trying to claim poverty, his family is helping him hide money so that he does not have to pay child support or alimony, he has stopped making our house payment and allowing it to move into forclosure and he came into our home and took all of our bank records, taxes and loan documents.
When you are told by the people who are on the other side of this current but ending nightmare to copy your taxes, bank accounts and all releveant financial information...do it!! When they tell you to change the locks!!! Do it!!! When you think that he won't stoop to doing something...at least prepare yourself that he might.
I'm telling you from experience my husband hated men that acted this way he thought it was very un-christian. He hated men that cheated, he now has a girlfriend 13 yrs younger. He would have done anything to be with his girls and provide for them, he now sees them 3 hours a week and pays no support.
My court date is in 38 days and I hope and pray that the judge will rule in my favor but there are no guarntees. I have had to take days off of work and spend money trying to get documents and proof of everything. He has also gone back and taken my name off of accounts so that I may not contact them for information.
Listen Listen Listen, I know it's hard now but save yourself the heartache later.

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I agree too... it is your future and you have to protect yourself financially... if I could add one more piece of advice, it would be to hear what the btdt ones are trying to say... you may not be ready to hear it, but it still needs to be said... and one day, you'll look back and realize that you heard about x or y and it will help you when you need that piece of advice... if that makes sense...
Good Luck!
Julie
Oh I am SO SO sorry. A nightmare, indeed!
I hope you win on your day in court. I hope your lawyer has supeoned your spouse to bits.
In my state if a spouse quits his job to avoid payments -- he still is reponsible for payments; if he voluntarily takes lower pay, his child support payment does not go down.
I hope this is the case in your state!
GL and stay in touch!
M
You told me and told me and I thought, not him I trust him. I knew you less time and turns out I should have listened to you!! Oh the things we wish we would have done. The worst part, neither accountant that we use appears to have a copy of our 2003 taxes. To get them from the IRS will now take six weeks.
Sigh, live and learn, I'm just ready to move on with my life I just hope it all turns out well or at least liveable.
Awww, Chicky... I hope you didn't take offense at my post... I didn't mean it that way... but strange things happen to people when they divorce and many of us have heard our stbx's promise one thing and then act differently once they are xh's...
Are you trying to get a copy from the IRS? I would do it if I were you, just for the documentation...
Good Luck... I'm thinking of ya!
Julie
No No No!! No offense to your post at all. I just had to tell you that your advice you gave me a year ago was dead on! I just wish I had listened to you. I truly believed he would never do this. The other lovely thing is he is trying to manipulate our girls into the poor pity him, he's poor and a I don't let them see him. When actually, he chooses to only see them on Sunday's.
I'm waiting to talk to my lawyer tomorrow. Not sure what she wants me to do to get those taxes court will come before the papers. And everything is due to the judge by Feb 22.
I just had to write that post today because I know one year ago, I was feeling so confident about how things are going.
I find unbelievable how some people change during a divorce. I don't know how they can live with themselves, and still look in the mirror every morning??? How??? HOW???
I am speechless.
Hugs to you, and best of luck on your trial day. May the judge find this obnoxious and insulting as I find it.
I learned in a seminar on divorce that people who do what this guy is doing are called "bad actors" and judges can smell 'em from a mile away. I hope her judge has a really good nose for a skunk!
M
Hey we have one judge and he's pretty good. Problem is small town, if he's done work for him the judge may think he's a decent guy. Beyond that you just never know. This judge is always fair and just but how good is his acting going to be.
And now I have to leave for a week because my dad just found out he has cancer. Suddenly our daughter that he chooses to see a few hours a week he wants to take for the time I'm gone. Of course he does not talk to me, she tells me she's staying and there is nothing I can do about it because there is no actual custody yet. SHE'S 13!!!! Wonder where she got that from!!
This trip is making me feel like it will hurt me in the long run.
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