newly separated & tomorrow's anniversary
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newly separated & tomorrow's anniversary
| Mon, 10-15-2007 - 10:47pm |
i cannot stop the tears from falling!
| Mon, 10-15-2007 - 10:47pm |
i cannot stop the tears from falling!
Hi Jen,
I will begin by saying that I was in your shoes 8 years ago.
Next I will tell you that the best thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself to whatever your body needs to do. If you need to cry; cry....if you need to scream; scream....if you need to be by yourself; be by yourself. Do not wonder why you haven't stopped crying; just let yourself cry and do not question your feelings because there is no right or wrong; they are your feelings. Those feelings you have about being kicked in the gut and empty are normal.
My advice to you is see a counselor/therapist by yourself. If your husband does not want to join you then go by yourself. You are going to go through a lot of emotions and growth and seeking help from a professional will assist you while you go through all of those things. Whether you have many or few friends, seek them out for support whenever you need them. There will be plenty of times when you will need company and there will be times where you will just want to curl up in bed with your cat.
I am sorry to hear about your medical condition. I am sure that it did affect your marriage, but it is you who has to get better. I am proud of you for seeking other methods to get better and for making positive changes, including trying to lose weight.
Your anniversary is going to be difficult whether you share it with him or alone; and no one can tell you how you should spend it...you need to decide what you feel is best for you.
As far as your husband.....whether he goes to counseling with you or not he does need to communicate things to you. Since he initiated the separation you need to ask him what he hopes to gain by separating. By this I mean, does he need time to get things in perspective, does he need time to see if he is strong enough to handle your medical condition. Any conversation you have with him is going to be hard, and trust me I know but the more honest he is with you the better you can handle what will or will not happen.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how painful it is and how exhausting is is physically and emotionally. I can tell you this: It does get better; whatever the outcome is....the pain does go away and at the end of the road you will find yourself to be stronger and wiser :)
I hope I have helped you in some way.
Bernadette
Oh Bernadette~
You have helped me more than you know.
~beauty. grace. strength. wisdom. spirit. courage.
Hi Jen,
Your kind words meant so much to me. I am glad that I was able to help you. When I went through my separation and then divorce I could not believe how painful it was; literally. I sought help and support from anywhere I could find it. My family/Friends were very supportive and there was one friend who had just gone through the same thing and her experience helped me; and so I wanted to help you.
Guess what...you made it through your anniversary and you survived; yes it was hard but you did it and you made some changes. When people say things like "take it one day at a time" that really is true; focus on today and then deal with tomorrow.
Talk to your counselor and just be open to any suggestions or ideas that can help you get through this.