Newly separated...is it the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Newly separated...is it the right thing?
2
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 4:10pm
My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 7 of them. We have been having alot of trouble in the last year of our marriage. He's been moving in and out of our house for about 8 months now. I keep asking him to move out and then I start feeling sorry for him, or he begs me to come back...it's one of those situations where I just can't live with him but I can't bear to be without him either. Not because I'm scared to be alone, I have 3 kids. I'm just worried that I'm making the wrong decision/choice. He definitely does NOT want a divorce. There are times when I do and times when I don't. I just don't know how to make up my mind, but I do know that we can't keep going on like this. It's too confusing for our children. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can go about figuring out once and for all what it is that I want?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:06pm

1) Marriage counseling. 2)Retrouvaille is a marriage rebuilding weekend program offered by the Catholic church but you don't have to be catholic. 3) Individual counseling to sort this all out for yourself. 4) Reading -- a marriage counselor could make recommendations.

You don't say what is so bad that you ask him to leave ... so I can't offer any real opinions, but you are right it isn't good for the kids.

It sounds like conversation with a marriage counselor really might be the place to start, or end, as the case may be.

GL,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:12pm

No one can disagree that divorce is hard on the kids. I think that it in fact affects them for a lifetime. I'm kind of in the same boat, but our real trouble just started a few weeks ago. I DO NOT want to raise my kids (one on the way) as a single mom or with some new step-dad.

So, the real question is... Why do YOU want a divorce? He seems to want to be with you. What exactly is making you push him away. Once you figure out what bothers you and why, then you will know if it's something that you can deal with.

Good luck. Search your heart, make a decision, and stop the yo-yoing.

Shanee