No contact while still living together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
No contact while still living together?
3
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:42pm

So we are already emotionally divorced and have been for 2 years, my poor kids have had to live through this with me. We live completely seperate lives, sleep in different rooms, don't eat together and rarely speak. Then there are the times when we will walk up and hug me (try) and want to watch a movie with me or help me with a chore that I am doing. Then I get a glimmer (albiet small) of hope that maybe just maybe we could do this. ARGGGG!! I hate feeling like this, I feel like I hate him 99% of the time, then that 1% I start to wonder.

So my question since we already live seperate lives, would it be right for me to tell him to not speak to me, touch me or preferably even look at me? It's not possible for either one of us to move out because we (I) I am trying to adopt my nephew through Children Services and they won't let me have him unless we are either happily married or divorced for a yr.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:50pm
That would be a hard decision to make when children are involved, but I don't blame you for hanging around to get your nephew. Why can't he move out? Would that look bad? Would they even know if you don't tell them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 3:05pm

God Bless You! I couldnt even imagine living in the same house and having nc. My ex said that's the way it should have been with us. We live as "roommates". NO WAY. He would have ended up back in our bed. Bad enough when we broke up it happened a few times but I could handle it anymore and told him it had to stop. It's crazy b/c I have still been pining over at times and I dont even know why b/c he's already cheated on his new gf with me twice and she has no idea. And for that I am truly ashamed of myself. I guess he represented my dreams of husband, wife, kids, house, and the whole happily ever after. I still cant believe sometimes he just so easily threw it all away. Now Im left lonely, trying to start over and he is starting over for the second time in 1 yr and 3 months. Unreal.

I couldnt stay for the sake of our son. Kids are smart and know when things arent right. We had begun arguing in front of my son sometimes and he deserves a better life than that even if it means not growing up with "daddy" in the house. YOU deserve to be happy. YOU have to do what's best for you and with a WHOLE, COMPLETE, HAPPY MOM, your kids will be happy.

I wish you luck in your decision. It took me like a year before I had the courage to kick my ex out. It was the hardest thing in my life I ever had to do, at lease so far. I did the second hardest thing this morning when I told him not to call me unless it pertains directly to our son.

My prayers are with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 3:36pm
The people who are doing our homestudy/background check to get adoption approved have stated that if we seperate they will leave baby here until they can find a better placement. He keeps using this as an excuse not to leave, I have told him that we can fake it when they come to do homestudy, but he refuses to hear that. If I move, Children Services will start questioning everything and I am not sure they will fall for my story. So I am stuck, it only hurts to be here with him 1% of the time, the rest I want to choke the life out of him for hurting me and our kids. I won't ever do it, but just imagining it feels so darn good.. LOL.. I am going to try to talk to him and see if I can't get him to see things my way. (yea right) and atleast get him to go stay at his mom's for a few days, maybe he will realize how miserable he really is here.