No matter how nice I am it does no good
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| Mon, 04-24-2006 - 11:33am |
What the heck is the problem with my ex. Okay you ladies know that Ive been trying to be accomodating/nice with ex. He's been civil too but I was suspicious for the reason why. Saturday comes his drop off time is 6pm. He calls me about 4:30-5pm asking if he can bring him back at 7pm. Now more than 1/2 hr late as per the court order the next visit is cancelled. So I saw what he was trying to do. He already knew there was no way he was gonna make it back by 6pm, so he figured he'd ask for the extra hour as if it had nothing to do with him not being able to make the time I agreed being nice.
I was going out with my sister, her bf and a few other friends that evening. They were outside waiting for me when he showed up. The exchange goes fine, I get back downstairs and my sis is ticked off. She says you wont believe this crap. Ex called her bf and told her how my sis never served him papers, she committed perjury and she should be locked up. Her bf tells him he was right there and she did, stop playing games. Then ex also tells him I changed lawyers, what's up with that?
Sorry but what the f is this man's problem? Why is he still talking garbage about my family. No matter how nice Iam to him he's still gotta open up his mouth. Ive had it.
I knew he was being "civil" for a reason. Yesterday when he drops off ds he tells me that on his next visit he heard of a place in the poconos that has some indoor playground for children and he wants to take him. I would like to see how he gets to the poconos and back between 11am & 6pm. I dare him to ask me for more time after his lies about my sister. And as if that wasnt enough ds came back with new sneakers on which is fine, but again ex's mouth arrgh. He had the sneakers I bought in a bag and tells me to let ds wear the ones he bought to school because the other ones make him trip. F'in jerk. Like his stuff is so superior. I just said okay and was done with it. I didnt say anything to him about what he said about my sister either. Why is he still lying and still running his big mouth? Oh he makes me sick.

He’s going to say the things he says and continues to say because he knows it pushes your buttons. You’ve been a lot better about not letting him do this, but you need to continue to not let it bother you. This whole mess isn’t about you, it it’s about him, it’s about your son. It’s about your son having a relationship with both of you. Yes, your ex is a jerk. But your son will find that out on his own. He’ll be able to form his own opinions of his dad soon enough.
In the meantime, it’s your responsibility to help foster a good relationship between the two of them. And if that means he’s going to be occasionally late with a visit, so be it. Granted, it would be nice to have a little bit more advanced notice – but the thing about the playground you do have advance notice of. So why don’t you be the good guy and say yeah, you can take him, and offer to extend the visit by an hour or two or whatever you think appropriate for the time frame of getting there and back and having time to enjoy it.
As for the shoes and other clothes. Shrug it off. Again, he knows it bothers you. Just let what he says go in one ear and out the other. Be thankful that he is buying him clothes/shoes. You can’t look at it as him thinking what you buy him isn’t good enough (even though he may), just look at it as a blessing that he has twice the amount of things that you would be able to purchase for him.
I hear you. I just had to blow off the steam. He makes me so angry sometimes. I am grateful for the extra sneakers and realize that some moms dont get that from their ex's. His mouth though ooh he gets to me. The one good thing here is Im learning not to show HIM how much he irks my nerves. The other me would have told him about his big mouth and he would have had his satisfaction.
I realize he gets such little time with the baby. If he asks I will consider extending the visit if it's within reason. However, Im afraid he will be looking for an overnight since people usually go to the poconos for the weekend. I have to say the thought of it does hurt. It's another "family" thing we should have been doing together. He never took me to the poconos. I know Im getting off the more important issue here, sorry.
Im just trying to process it all. And when trying to be civil it makes it so much harder when the other person is still nasty even though you go the extra mile to be nice to them.
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sigh,
I know you are right. My initial reaction to my ex is always to hell with him when he's such a jerk. As you know when I calm down I end up doing the right thing. It does hurt him and I and the baby will never do those things together. But I also had to remind myself that ex and I did have our time together. Before I found out things were for the most part great, he did do nice things for me and we did spend a weekend in a hotel together just for some alone time but we just didnt go to a different state or anything like that. We did do lots of things together.
If he asks for the extra time as long as its withing reason Im sure he'll get it. However what if he asks for an overnight? See I just dont want it to be done at the last minute if its something big like that without me notifying my lawyer and getting his opinion. Since we're in court for joint custody I want it to be known if Im giving all this extra accomadation to show Im not hindering the visitation as they are claiming. What do you think?
Get a spiral notebook and religiously keep up with when he has visits:
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Gotcha,
My family actually doesnt talk to him at all anymore and I dont see them starting to anytime soon lol. They will keep there cool.
Thanks for the advice.