Is this normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Is this normal?
3
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 10:24pm
I hear that there is a grieving process for every situation. Until this a.m. I thought I had gone through it in a month. When I found out my ex was cheating I kicked him out of the house.... I was hurt, angry, humiliated... He wanted to come back and I refused... We went through counseling but nothing worked... We got out... It was tough at first but one day I decided to get up and move on.... I feel proud to say that after four years of being a stay-home mom I got back to my career and picked it up exactly where I left off... Things professional are going great. They couldn't be better.... As far as my children.. Life looks good for the three of us... We have survived and are happy to know we have each other.... As far as my self-esteem... I was so angry at one point that I got myself together and promised myself to never cry again... But, today.... For some uknown reason I woke up feeling sad... thinking of him, missing our family days... missing my marriage.... Why? Why is it that after so long this is kicking in? And more important... How do I manage it? What do I do with this? Is this normal???? Gosh.. it's so weird.. it's been a year... I am doing great! Things are where they are suppose to be.. Why is it that I am feeling this way? Why???
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 10:49pm
When they describe the grieving process it seems like a straight forward step by step process. Go through shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and you are done. I think of it is more like a two steps forward one step back process and it's not so straight forward. Sometimes you can get to the acceptance and think your done, only to find yourself back at the anger phase becuase of some memory or reminder. I think books on it would say the same thing, but I'm speaking from my own experience. I think what happened to you is you made some good process grieving, and then you stopped pulled yourself together and got your life in order because that is what you had to do, and now it's time to get back to grieving some more. It is normal IMHO.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 8:50am

I agree with first's post - it's natural to experience a resurgence of feelings triggered by news of your ex, a memory, etc. I posted earlier in the week that seeing my ex brought a few feelings back, and it's been 3 years since we separated. But the more time passes, the shorter the length of the feelings - I was over mine in a few hours, whereas a few years ago it would have taken days or weeks. In your case, it sounds like you may have cut the grief process short, and now that your life has settled your body is bringing these buried feelings forward for you to deal with them. You can try to force them back down again, or you can try to figure out what is at the root of them. Counselling can be really helpful, or talking to a good friend, or journalling (write out your thoughts and feelings, write a nasty letter to your ex saying everything you think and feel but don't send it since it's for you to get the feelings out, not to get a dialogue going with him - I find this is really helpful).

-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:45am

Hi there!


Hugs :)


I think this is perfectly normal. I think it's because we sort of push out those other feelings to some tiny spot in our minds so we can pick ourselves up and start over. We get so busy that we forget about the feelings we put in that tiny spot.


The good news is, once we feel them again, its not as bad as they would have been had we dealt with them when everything happened and they are only temporary. This time, they will go away. It's normal to think sometimes... heck I do it too and its been almost 2 years since he left. BUT instead of everyday and every moment, it's 1 every 3 months.. if that....


So, I suggest you do something for you today. Write down some fun things and throw them in a hat. Pick something and just do it... out of the ordinary treating YOU today.


Hugs to you and CONGRATS for doing so well :)


Angelena