Not allowed to see boyfriend????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Not allowed to see boyfriend????
8
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 1:20pm

Hi everyone...

Im recently divorced, and my ex husband has sole custody right now. We plan to go back to court in a bit to work out a joint custody arrangement. Anyways, things have been fine, and I see my kids regularly. The problem is this...I havent ever introduced my kids to anyone I date. Never have and didnt want too. i dont want tdifferent men in and out of their lives etc. However, now I have become serious with a man I have been seeing for months, and I would like them too meet. Problem is, my ex says that he doesnt want the children around anyone he doesnt know. This man I see is a fine upsatnding citizen, its not as if he is some criminal. Since my ex has sole custody, does he have the right to tell me that my boyfriend cant meet my kids? Please help...any input would be great. THANKS

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 1:53pm
It is quite unusual that your ex-husband has sole custody. Is there a reason the court granted this? Usually it's joint custody, with someone having the primary responsibility for the child living with him/her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 2:45pm
The only reason is that, I had been diagnosed with a medical condition that prevented me from working for awhile, and that really tore me up emotionally, and financially I wasnt in a position to take care of my kids, SO while I got on my feet the courts set it up that wayy til I could get settled in my own place, my health taken care of, and financially set. Anyway, how does that change anything?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 3:15pm
Honey, he has no control over who you introduce your children to if the guy isn't a criminal and doesn't abuse your kids. My ex was doing the same thing saying I couldn't have a boyfriend around my kids, but he has had a couple of women around our kids. WHATEVER. My BF comes over regularly and we have taken the kids places, heck he spent July 4th with them when their own father chose to be at his GF's house buying ice creams for HER kids and taking HER kids to the fireworks. When I had offered him the chance to have the kids on that day he got pissed! I also got them Memorial day and recently Labor day. HE's a total jerk to me unless I'm offering to take the kids extra, then he's practically bubbling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:16pm

"We plan to go back to court in a bit to work out a joint custody arrangement."

What is the harm in waiting until you have worked things out permanently? Even if there is only a slight chance that this could be detrimental to your gaining some custody, that's too big a chance to take when dealing with an issue SO important. Get your attorney up and rolling. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:47pm

That may change everything. You didn't "lose" custody due to anything you did wrong or neglected to do right. Basically means there's been no question of YOU as a parent, just of your health. That will inform the court's decision regarding your future custody schedule and anything re: the boyfriend, should it ever come up.

Check with your lawyer, if you have one. And best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 7:11pm
Thanks Gonna - now I don't have to explain. And if Chunk doesn't have a lawyer, she should probably get one for the custody arrangement discussions....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 7:16pm
Well I don't see why she can't have a steady boyfriend around to meet her kids!!!!! How come it's ok for them to take the kids on dates and then dictate that we can't have a BF around to meet the kids? I'm so tired of having to live by a separate set of rules then they have to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 11:35pm

Because - he has SOLE custody right now!!! The shoe is also on the other foot many times, but you don't see it because maybe 1 guy posts here every few months. If someone can't wait a few months to bring their BF around at the chance she could lose a chance at custody or have something written in the custody agreement that says BF can't have overnights while the kids are around, I think she needs to rethink things.

I'm not saying it's fair - who said life was fair? I'm just saying good judgment should prevail at this time.