Not changing name...am i the only one??

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Not changing name...am i the only one??
15
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 10:45pm

Everyone else seems to want to change their name back ~ are even eager to do so. But i don't feel that way. Am i weird?? i don't particularly like the sound or spelling of my maiden name.... it's not any "better". Plus...i feel like i would be trying to "pretend" my marriage didn't happen...or that, it had no impact on me...i am not the person i was before i got married and i am this "new" person...i am me now, and this is my name now. i am not knocking anyone who feels this way, i am just curious if anyone at all feels the way i do. Plus...DD wouldn't have the same as me. Until i get married again, i feel like this is who i am.

Tell me i am not the only one ;)

jen

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Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 11:36pm

Hey Jen!

I can assure you that you're not the only one... although I encouraged my Mom to change her name back to her maiden name when she got divorced, I did not do the same... not only was my maiden name very easy to slaughter, my father and I have issues, so I didn't want to take it back... and, like you said this way I have the same name as DS...

But no, definitely not the only one!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 1:19am

hey jen - you are not the only one! when i got divorced from my first husband - my son's father - i did not change my name. I actually didn't LIKE that name (its a weird name, you always have to tell people how to spell it, and if you change one vowel it turns into a word like "hooker" in hebrew

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 9:08am
I'm the same as you. I didn't change mine back. I had this name almost my entire adult life. Everyone I know (except my old high school friends I see maybe once a year) know me by this name and it's a nice name. If I changed my name now, people at work would say "Oh your name changed did you get married?" (I haven't worked there very long). If I had changed it when I got divorced, it would have been a big announcement of the divorce to all my old co-workers.

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 10:22am
dear jen,
you are not the only one
my ex and I were married six yrs and had a dd and ds together
it is thirteen yrs later and I kept it
I wanted my kids and I to have the same last name
and like you I was not the same person
I felt entitled to still use it
our kids were only 2 and 4 and I guess I didn't want people asking personal questions as to why our last names were not the same if I went back to my maiden name
I don't use Mrs. I use Ms.
We need to do what is comfortable for us
yes I was married, separated and divorced
it is a reality...
I not going to pretend it never happened
I showed my kids pictures of their dad and of our wedding
I wanted them to not have a negative feeling towards marriage
and that their were loved and blessings
the joy they have brought...
it mattered to me to let them see
I was and I am not bitter and that I am ok
nightangel
Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 11:30am

No your not the only one.

I am going to keep my name as well... as a matter of fact exH said I could. My finalization date is tomorrow....

I think I got used to it, plus our children carry his last name. I want to keep the name consistent for now, until I marry again and then I will hyphenate again. I used to use my maiden name and married name, but since he left it is easier to just use my married name. So I have gotten used to it over the last year or so.

I asked my exH if he wanted me to keep it or use my maiden, he said I should think of the kids... but I know from reading this and other boards that the kids don't really care as they get older.... so I mentioned it to him and he said, "ok, I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with".

So that is my advice.... do whatever you feel comfortable with :)

Hugs and good luck

Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 12:46pm

While I'm glad that your EX said that you could keep his name.... well, he really doesn't have a say-so about it.


Get this!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 9:40am

lol, yeah he said it was OK for me to keep it... I thought well it is HIS name...so I will atleast ask...he was pi$$ed when his 1st wife kept his last name... and this guy is only 29!! married and divorced 2 times...lol.

Reading your post, I wondered... does anyone find that people who come from mulitple marriage homes end up marrying multiple times? For example, my ex has been married and divorced twice and he is 29. His father is married 3 times divorced 2 times.. his mother is married and divorced 2 times. Do you think that these men think it is OK to bounce around because of the way they grew up?

Just a thought ;)

Im off to court... wish me luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:04am

I do see a trend, although.... sometimes we're trendsetters.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 7:10pm
I plan on keeping my married name, since I *detest* my maiden one. We're not even separated yet, so it'll be a while. If my husband and I had children, I would definitely want the same name. I think it's going to annoy him that I'm keeping his name, but it's mostly his fault that our marriage is in danger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 12:58pm

Men have it soooo easy in this department. They keep their father's name from birth to death even if they marry dozens of times. Bit of a double standard, methinks and harkens back to the days when wives were considered property.

I was married 19 years, so kept my ex's name. He's not real happy about that now that he's replaced me in the wife job. Not his decision to make.

Doesn't really matter to me...neither name was ever really "mine" - one was my Dad's and one was my exhusband's. And both are hard to spell. Go figure. Maybe I should go back to Mom's maiden name and be a "generic" Smith. Seriously, I don't think I'll change unless I remarry.

I have a suggestion...Maybe girl children should be called the Mom's maiden name and boy children should be called the Dad's surname and keep it for life regardless of marriages/divorces.

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