Not doing 'nothing'...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Not doing 'nothing'...
4
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 11:19pm

Someone please remind me I can only take action about things I am in control of. I cannot make everything better, I cannot do anything about the things stbx does.

He didn't send the children to school today. He objects to the after school tutoring program I applied for and got approved. The teachers assessment for the third and fourth graders are that they are behind in one academic subject each; and there is a tutoring program available. Why doesn't he see what he is doing is upsetting to them? Instead, he tells me if I love them I will just sign the papers and then they won't have to be upset by all this...just 'let them go' according to him, to a wonderful new life. He says my putting them into school is just 'letting the government babysit for me' and that he really cares for them and he will always care for them and I don't...he forbid the divorce and now since I insisted, I need to give up my children because he apparently thinks he is morally superior and his family can pay to give them a better life. What is wrong with his picture? Is there anything wrong with his universe? I can't comprehend it, so I am biased.

I did take action on things I can control today. I put in six more job applications. I got two call backs for interviews. I applied for school bus passes for the kids. I worked on a knitting project for one of them. I went to the Re Entry center at the community college to find out what other resources might be available. I am not , doing 'nothing', so why does it feel like I am doing nothing? Annah

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 11:49pm

Not having control over something always for me, brings a sense of helplessness - and feeling helpless feels like I'm "doing nothing". But by the sounds of your post, you ARE doing SOMETHING!

I have to ask about something else you wrote. You said:

"Instead, he tells me if I love them I will just sign the papers and then they won't have to be upset by all this...just 'let them go' according to him, to a wonderful new life."

What does this mean, exactly? Sign what paper? Don't sign a THING until you have legal representation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 11:34am

Hey Annah...


I've been thinking about you...and reading your updates...Keep doing what you are doing... Try writing down everything that you DID accomplish in a day...maybe that will help you focus on what you can control...Just remember that hugs are coming daily from Utah for you...Keep me updated...and remember to keep smiling...;) Take care...


~~SanDee~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 12:48pm

Annah...

I hope you are getting documentation from the school for the days that he is not taking them. He is defying a court order and I cannot imagine the judge is going to look too kindly on that.

You are making progress and you are doing the right thing. Just keep asking yourself if your kids would want you to give up. Even if he does get primary you can still fight a move away or even follow him wherever he goes.

I wonder what he would do if you offered to allow the move but said you were going with them and would want 50/50 there? I think it would show that the move away is about control and not finances. Just a thought.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 4:27pm
I agree with step, don't sign a thing. Also please don't buy into his "just let them go". He's trying to make you think that you have to do this and you don't! You CAN fight him and it's YOUR right. You don't have to do a damn thing he says. You're doing all you can for your kids and unless you're a drug addict living in a crack house he has nothing over you.