Not a happy camper!
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| Mon, 07-31-2006 - 12:36pm |
This is my first time here. I've been divorced for 7 months and seperated for over a year. I escaped my crazy(literally) ex on the first monsoon storm of the year. After 4 years of marriage and broke pocket book, I just couldn't take it anymore. He didn't make any money(7,000 a year in 2004). Yes, that's right SEVEN thousand. Not Seventy, or seventeen, just SEVEN! Yet he HAD to live in fancy house in an upscale neighborhood driving nice cars and a swimming pool in the back yard etc. He was all a show. And it was ME paying for it all on a very modest income.
After catching him cheating on me, we tried to make it work. I could never get past the infidelity. He wasn't making money to help support us, he wasn't helping me out around the house, he wasn't helping me out with our son. Finally I threw in the towel. I was sinking financially and new I had to save myself and my son. Oh! Did I mention he was nuts and followed me around the house with a gun? He had guns on top of cupboards, in closets, by the bed. It didn't matter what room I was in, there was a gun just sitting there, reminding me that I wasn't free. We worked at the same place so we drove one car to work. Everything I did had to be with him. He would SAY that I could do whatever I wanted, but if I did do something without him it came with a guilt trip and taunting.
Other bizaar things were happening. He was having private telephone conversations outside, in the walk-in closet with the light off, in his office with the door closed. Sometimes right in front of me, but usually privately. I never could figure out what these conversations were about, other than they seemed to be heated discussions and he would become very angry and agitated. Finally when his anger wasn't ending with the phone call I started to try to figure out who he was on the phone with. After I finally figured out the phone system, and sneekily finding passwords to an account in MY name, I logged onto the vonage account. Low and behold, every time I checked it, there was NO phone call being made. NONE! Call after call with no calls coming in or going out. He was talking to HIMSELF!! For months I thought he was cheating on me or something like that. Nope. Just himself. That was the moment I became very frightened. After highspeed carchases down the freeway with noone behind us and several similar things, I knew I had to leave. Once I did leave him after 4 years of marriage, only 1 being horrible, I found out that nearly everything I knew about him was a lie from the beginning. The ultimate betrayal!
I could write and write about this. Bottom line is, I clearly had reason to leave him and forget about him. But for some reason I still love him, miss and cry over him. All of my hopes and dreams were wrapped up in him. Why did he do this? Why did he think he had to lie and have these fantasies? Wasn't I enough for him? I'm a hurting unit and I can't get past it. I miss him. Why would I miss him?
Can someone please help me to sift through my emotions?
-DBC


Hey there... as I read your post, the first thing that came to my mind is that he has some mental instability that hasn't been pinpointed and addressed so that he can manage it.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks for your post. A new development happened. More background first: I've been supervising his visits with his and son, some of which have been at my house. Ok, so he came over on Thurs. night to sit with the kids while I went to the airport to pick up my mom at 11:00pm. Turns out he brought a gun into MY house. I didn't know about it at first. We heard a noise outside, which I was not concerned with AT ALL because the neighbors are always up late because they get home late. But he jumped up took out his gun, and went outside. I just about died that I let that thing slip right by me and into my house. He is no longer going to be allowed to come into my home. When I asked him very nicely to get it out he got VERY angry with me for telling him what to do. I said, "Damn right I am. This is MY house."
Frustrating that he's such a nut case. I can't even communicate with him in a normal fashion because he's crazy. C R A Z Y! Someone at a support group told me to look at it like this: every time I have an encounter with him, just tell myself that I just
visited "Crazyland". SOmetimes I refer to it as "Nutsville". So, now after wierd things like that I call my friend and say, "Well, I just visited Crazyland. Help me to get back into the real world". Because he can cloud my sense of reality so bad it makes my head spin. But now I know how to get myself into reality again.
Thanks again.
Oh my GOSH!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~