Not strong enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2005
Not strong enough
5
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:53am

Here's my story in a nutshell. I'm in my 20's was married for a year, got separated a month and a half ago, been living with a friend, getting my apartment next week. And will be having the I've decided this isnt going to work and we should get a divorce conversation.

I'm a freaking mess. I cry almost everyday. Sometimes because I'm sad for him, sometimes I'm sad for me, sometimes scared about the future, sometimes sad about the memories. It just HURTS so much. Everyone keeps telling me to be strong but I CANT. I just want to go cry in mom's arms but I can't even do that because my mother doesnt "support my decision". I feel so alone and so scared. I desperatly want my life to be normal again. I feel so displaced. I know I'm making the right choice by leaving, and I knew it'd be hard. I just didn't realized that I wouldnt be able to handle it. Getting through each day is just torture. I'm trying to do things on my own and keep busy but the second something small goes wrong - or I have a moment to THINK I just lose it.

I don't know what to do. I'm already going to counseling but it doesnt seem to help much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 12:27pm

Hi there and welcome :)


First off, hugs to you sweetie. Your going through a lot right now. It's hard, yes, but doable.... I promise.


I know what you mean when you say you want to go cry in mom's arms. I at times wanted the same thing..... but my mom has decided she wants to be friends with OW instead..... I know, sounds sick, doesn't it?


I am also in my 20's, my XH left me pregnant and with out 4 year old son and without a job. It was THE END of the world for me. I cried EVERYDAY, ALL DAY. One time, someone called me and my son answered the phone, I was a mess, crying, and he actually told the person on the phone, my mommy is crying right now. It's hard, I won't lie.


Here I am 2 years from the day he left. I am divorced and I am HAPPY. My XH is still living with OW and he has a new set of problems. I am living with a wonderful man and my children. I was even blessed with child number 3 a year after my daughter was born ( the baby I was pregnant with when he left )


It takes time. LOTS of time. It does get easier. I found these boards to be quite theraputic for me. I like talking to people and when I couldn't do that I was busy busy busy. Keep yourself busy and get out of the same routine you were in when you were married. Do things.... go out... call some old friends... clean the house.... empty it of all the memories.... you can do it!


Hugs to you and if you need anything, we are here.


Angelena






iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 2:52pm
Hi, and welcome.
Hey - don't push yourself too hard. Don't expect everything to be ok again in a heartbeat. You are going through a rough time. It will take just that - Time. When you are having a hard time getting through the day, break it down. Get through the next hour. Get through the next minute. Hey - sometimes I had to break it down to seconds! Sit and take deep breaths, and just try to calm yourself. Come here whenever you need to. It is still very early on in your separation, and you have already accomplished a lot of things some others haven't. You moved out. You gave it time. You made your decision. You are getting an apartment. Think about the successes rather than the things you couldn't do. Remember, if you couldn't do it today, it doesn't mean you won't be able to do it tomorrow.
If you still have a lot of contact with STBX, consider the no contact policy a lot of us here use. It provides peace of mind.
About your mom - that's too bad. Maybe she will come to see things your way, but then again, she may not. Maybe a good divorce support group is in order for you, to provide a bit of personal support from people in your area who have been through or are going through the same trials...
Good luck.
Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 4:46pm

Hi Hon,

I am 23 (married almost 3yr.) and going through a divorce too. I am so sorry about your mom's decision but I hope she'll come around. Truthfully I wish I had been as strong as you. STBX and I split up once before but I made the all too common mistake of going back. Which was just another year wasted. I was so messed up about our 1st seperation I lost 20lb. (so I was 130 and 5'6") and for me really thin. I was so embarassed that I didn't even really talk to any of my friends. What I would suggest? Talk, talk, talk.... I talked my little heart out to a few very close friends who I completely trusted and at times I was redundant but it helped so much. You will have your hard times (diaries and therapy always help) just accept them and think of the reasons you left. You will get through this stronger and smarter with a few more friends than you had before. If you want to email me I'm littlemoon_19@yahoo.com I also have yahoo IM cheri_doll2000 Best of luck.

Cheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 11:56am
Aneglena, whenever I feel like I am going to completely fall apart during this process (which is often!), I read your posts. It gives me so much hope! I know things look dark and low for me right now, but it inspires me that one day in the not-so-distant future, I can find happiness, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 5:33pm

You are the sweetest thing :)