Not sure of how I am feeling

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Not sure of how I am feeling
4
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 10:45pm

I have been here a lot reading what everyone posted. I have posted on the cheating board, and now i am here. I will make my story as short as possible. My stbx cheated on my the first time in October of 2001, we went to counseling got kinda better. He then cheated on my in September of 2003 with a different woman. This time he created another child. In December of 2004 he cheated a third time with the same woman as the second time. This kinda of ended everything for us. We tried counseling but he couldn't stick to it. In November of 2005 he left for arizona for a job he had. I raised our 2 DDs (4 and 8) on my own from that time on. He came back on the 30th of march and i filed for a divorce on the 12th of april, i was hoping to do it pro-se since neither of us can afford lawyers. He took the girls on easter sunday for about 4 hours. On the 9th of may i got notice that he had retained an attorney. I did the same the very next day. Well we have been fighting on and off throughout this whole thing. I am not going to go through everything that has happened because no one has that kind of time. But he also has his "honeymoon" period where he is nice and caring and loving, including still trying to get me to have sex with him. But today was the first time since easter sunday that he actually took our girls for a visit. I think it was at the hands of his mother but oh well. He left with them at 10:30 this morning and was to drop them off at 5pm. He called at 4 and asked if he could have them until 6, he called from his mom's since they had spent the whole day there. He said they would have ate dinner and had baths before he brought them home. I said that was fine. He didn't bring them home until 7:10. We argued because he didn't call and say he was going to be late. He doesn't understand what it does to me by him not calling me telling me they were going to be late. Since i live in wisconsin, we still have 2 months before we go in front of a judge. I am just looking for some good friends to talk to, who are going through what i am going through. I have friends just none who are or have gone through what i am. Thanks for listening.

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 7:56am

Angie...

FIRST...Pianoguy isn't trying to pick on you!

However...I get the impression that you are playing the role of "hall monitor" where your girls are concerned. Unless they're back home with you at AN EXACT DESIGNATED TIME...you're gonna have (or create) an issue about it!

Granted---your husband indicated over the telephone the girls would be back by 6, but he was an hour late! However...you knew where the girls were because the call came from his Mom's house!

Would you please cut him a little slack? Even the best plans can get screwed up!

Now if your girls weren't home for a few days, a week or a month---you would definitely have an issue! But they were late by only AN HOUR?

Here's a suggestion...if you care to read it?

When you appear before the judge in 2 months...get the child visitation terminology in writing so the 2 of you can mutually agree on some guidelines. But after things are down on paper, why not see if you BOTH can try and be a little more flexible, okay?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 9:21am
Hi Angie! It looks like you came to the right place.
Cheating is so hurtful! I've been through it w/ multiple BFs and also w/ my STBX.
I hope things go more smoothly for you than they have been!
You came to the right place!
- JD

- J. Darling

Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 9:32am
I've been through the cheating thing as well. It's hard because then you are suppose to trust your children with the guy that lies and only looks after his own needs. Initially it was really scary to think about my stbx being in charge of my kids. I mean if he weren't their father, he isn't the type of person I would want my kids to be around (I prefer people with character and integrity). He is their father so..... Maybe if you approached the situation differently by telling him that you are so glad he has the kids and you know they are having fun and are well cared for but that you'd appreciate it if he gives you a heads up if he's going to be late so that you would know whether you had time to jump in the shower, head out to the store etc. Maybe that way it wouldn't sound like you are accusing him of anything. As it turns out, my stbx is doing a pretty good job with the girls so it is working out. I was full of angst at first, I'll admit it. I hope you guys find a way to work everything out for the kids and I hope your stbx steps up to the plate more in regards to the kids. They need to see him more. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 9:34am
I'm in WI too and H will be served today (surprise to him). I hate doing it, but he left our home and moved right in w/ OW. You started this 2 months ago and still have 2 months to go? Waiting that long for custody resolution of our 5 month old is going to drive me nuts!