Not sure how this will turn out
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| Thu, 03-29-2007 - 7:36pm |
The day before yesterday I proposed the 50/50 split with H giving the reason that I thought we should each have access to our own money. First it was a problem because he doesn't even make enough money for his half. Then it turned into a major blowout for the last two days because he feels like I'm preparing for separation. I guess he saw through it. My main goal isn't to separate, but if the counseling doesn't work, I need an emergency plan. I DO want to try counseling, but the last two days have been filled with him extremely depressed and reminding me about the affair I had 6 years ago. Nothing I can say seems to convince him I understand. Apparently I don't, or at least that's what he keeps saying. He has been yelling at me and acting extremely bitter and alternatingly sad. Of course, this brings up horrible memories on my part too. It's not like I was off enjoying myself the whole time. It was the worst point in my life. I lost my job. I didn't eat. We lost our house. You name it. Every few months however, he has to remind me of everything. I do feel guilty, and it did cause me perhaps as much distress as him, but in a different way.
Anyhow, it has been very difficult to concentrate on work and I cannot afford to lose another job over this. If nothing else, I have myself and DD to support.
Just don't know what to do. Even if he does eventually forgive me, there are plenty of other issues still causing problems. These are the same issues as before the affair, his income, his lack of help around the house, his anger and cynicism, etc.

M.
I knew in my guts it was over years ago,
but it took a big shakeup to make it actually happen.
Once that happened 8 months ago, I have just been hanging on by a thread,
waiting on my H to catch up with what was happening.
After so long in denial, he brought up divorce last night,
& I think this time it might really happen.
I have been sitting on GO for a while now, but I couldn't "abandon" him.
I had to wait, & now that it's finally here I am still not 100% sure about it,
but in time maybe things will look better.
Hello,
I think about something I heard thru times like these....let go and let God.......that is what helps me, it is hard thinking about divorce because I think it is where we have a child or children and the thought of major change for us and the children, and not knowing what will happen....fear of the unknown......and also, for me it is the fear of making another mistake......take care....