Not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Not sure what to do
13
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 11:42am

Hi, I am new here. I've been reading some of your posts and find myself strangely comforted and disturbed at the same time to realize that

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:16am

Hi Alex,


I am sorry you are going through this. It's so hard when kids are involved. Personally, I don't really have any answers yet. I'm still undecided about what I'm going to do. I think I want to try to work it out, for the kids' sake, but it isn't looking promising. My husband isn't motivated to change unless I'm really angry, and I just don't have the energy to keep that up all the time. I've decided I'm going to just focus on my school and my kids for now, and see if he lives up to any of the promises he's made. I can't force him to change, and I don't really know if it's fair to ask him to. We both deserve to be happy. If we can be happy together, then that would be the best for everyone. I do still love him, but I need him to love me back in the way that I need. I just don't know if he's capable of it. One of these days, the

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 9:55am

Hi Rylandsmama,


Thanks for the reply. What I mean by reclusive is that my husband is emotionally closed off from me and the kids (except our youngest daughter whom he is very affectionate with). He doesn't share even the simplest things with me. There is virtually no conversation between us ever, and very little physical contact. He is very engaged with the television. If he could give me 1/2 the attention he gives the t.v. ...


When we go places together, he walks about 20 paces in front of me, and never looks back to make sure I'm keeping up. He often walks away from me when I'm in the middle of talking about something, to go do something like empty the garbage, feed the dogs, change his clothes, etc. He will interrupt me when I'm talking to ask some stupid, random question about some meaningless piece of trivia, and doesn't seem to care about what it is I'm trying to say. We drove 14 hours in the car together once, and he never said a word to me. Whne I ask pointed questions about things, I get bits and pieces of information, and it is like pulling teeth just to get that much from him. He uses an irritated tone to anwer my questions ... like I should already know the answer, or that I am bothering him by asking. I'm not looking for him to bare his heart and soul ... I just want some conversation, some basic information, and some common courtesy. I want

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 6:05pm

"When we go places together, he walks about 20 paces in front of me, and never looks back to make sure I'm keeping up. He often walks away from me when I'm in the middle of talking about something, to go do something like empty the garbage, feed the dogs, change his clothes, etc. He will interrupt me when I'm talking to ask some stupid, random question about some meaningless piece of trivia, and doesn't seem to care about what it is I'm trying to say. We drove 14 hours in the car together once, and he never said a word to me. Whne I ask pointed questions about things, I get bits and pieces of information, and it is like pulling teeth just to get that much from him. He uses an irritated tone to anwer my questions ... like I should already know the answer, or that I am bothering him by asking. I'm not looking for him to bare his heart and soul ... I just want some conversation, some basic information, and some common courtesy. I want to feel like I'm valued for more than just cooking, cleaning, laundry, and taking care of the kids."

I could have written this! I am now like you at a place where I am considering divorce and your words struck me. This is a description of my Dh. This is only part of the problem with me, but that will be another post. I wanted to say, the I know exactly how you feel and how LONELY it can be in a marriage like this. I don't know what to do at this point, and neither do you, but I think we both deserve some happiness. It is scary and there are a lot of things to consider especially when children are involved.

Best to you and take care!

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