Not sure what to do next
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Not sure what to do next
| Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:06pm |
Two months ago my husband and I separated. I moved in with my parents for a while, but after much praying and a couple things falling into place for me I moved back home. Upon my return home my husband moved out.
We have two small children ages 6 and 2. I've been out of the work force for six years, so that I could raise our children. My husband works a swing shift, and trying to find a job with a very flexible schedule is hard. We just completed building our house last year, after two years of doing all the work ourselves. We've been going to a counselor, who finally said we need to decide what goal or end we want.
My husband mentioned he wanted a divorce a month ago, but then told me he wasn't ready for one. Right now I don't feel that is where I want my relationship to go, but I can't continue living in this limbo of not knowing.
He says he doesn't know how he feels about me. He told me yesterday at our counseling session that coming to our house makes him uncomfortable. So he hasn't been spending much time with our children. Our daughter who is 2 isn't sure who her daddy is when he does stop by. She'll see a photo of him and ask "Is that my daddy". Our son told me he is mad at his dad for not staying at the house with us anymore. I'm trying to be strong for my children. I give them the comfort and support that they, but there are days when the emotions get the better of me.
Right now I'm not sure what path I want to take, the path of a divorce, or the path of a reconciliation?
We have two small children ages 6 and 2. I've been out of the work force for six years, so that I could raise our children. My husband works a swing shift, and trying to find a job with a very flexible schedule is hard. We just completed building our house last year, after two years of doing all the work ourselves. We've been going to a counselor, who finally said we need to decide what goal or end we want.
My husband mentioned he wanted a divorce a month ago, but then told me he wasn't ready for one. Right now I don't feel that is where I want my relationship to go, but I can't continue living in this limbo of not knowing.
He says he doesn't know how he feels about me. He told me yesterday at our counseling session that coming to our house makes him uncomfortable. So he hasn't been spending much time with our children. Our daughter who is 2 isn't sure who her daddy is when he does stop by. She'll see a photo of him and ask "Is that my daddy". Our son told me he is mad at his dad for not staying at the house with us anymore. I'm trying to be strong for my children. I give them the comfort and support that they, but there are days when the emotions get the better of me.
Right now I'm not sure what path I want to take, the path of a divorce, or the path of a reconciliation?

Iowa,
It takes two to reconcile a marriage; it only takes one to divorce.
You may have reached the point where you can't wait for your husband to make up his mind so you'll have to for yourself and your children. A reconcilation could work but he has to be totally commited to the marriage, you and the children. He can't have it "half way." If he didn't want a divorce he wouldn't have moved out when you moved back. That speaks volumes about what he really wants. He just doesn't have the guts to actually decide and take action.
I know as that occured in my own divorce. My first husband didn't really want to be married any more but he refused to be the first to file for divorce. He wouldn't go to counseling but he wouldn't commit to making things work. I finally did file so I could have some resolution and move on with my life. He still couldn't "decide" if it was the right thing even after the divorce papers were signed. (He even refused to get an attorney.) Go figure.
My advice is see your marriage counselor alone. They obviously see a lot of abivalence coming from both of you for their advice to be "make up your mind" to stay or go your separate ways. You can't stay in limbo forever.
Good luck and get good legal advice no matter what you decide.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Thank you for your advice.
I'm going to be seeing a lawyer in a couple of days, and hopefully after that I'll be ready for the next step.