Not sure where to post
Find a Conversation
Not sure where to post
| Sun, 11-19-2006 - 9:48pm |
Hi there I am not sure where to post this but I hope this is the right place. Let me tell you alittle about myself first. As of last year I had been married 11 years with two children and a stepdaughter. But on Agu. 28th of last year my now ex and I went our own ways due thing that we just could not work through. I have sence started a new life with a very special lady that has four children that I thank of as my own my son lives with us and we have my daughter every other weekend. But heres the thing my stepdaughter from my first marrage has not had anything to do with me unless she is in trouble or wants to use the computer in the last 4 months. Just today when my ex showed up to pick my daught up she informed me that my stepdaughter would be contacting me to see about spending thanksgiving with my parents whom she has not had any contact with in quit some time. I have just but given up on this girl do to the fact that she has not called tryed to speak to me returned emails or even seen me other than the times that I have picked my son up from his moms. With my parents coming to our home for thanksgivng my question is what would you do if you were in my shoes. should I just leave it be the way it is now or just simply say ok you can walk on me hurt me and act like I am not even here and let her come over. I had raised her sence she was 7 months old until her mom and I split up and divorced. Well thanks for your time.

jman,
Yes, I do think that you should let her come over, and keep trying to have a relationship with her. She probably feels very caught in the middle, and unsure of where she stands in relation to you, especially since she is not your biological child. I would imagine she has been trying to protect herself from being rejected by you, whether or not that would ever happen, and also trying to please her mom. Please realize that she is only a child (10 years old?) and trying to navigate some very difficult relationships right now. Her wanting to come on Thanksgiving could very well be an peace overture. Good luck to you and your family.
Rebecca
A question I have for you is since you've been raising this girl since she was a baby as your own, why aren't you picking HER up as well as your son for visitation? Maybe she feels like you don't care or really want to see her. Maybe it hurts when you come to get her brother and leave her behind. I'm not trying to say you've done something wrong, just trying to give you a possible perspective.
Another possibility here is that from what you said she is about 13, right? Could some of this behavior just be typical selfish teenage stuff?
Whatever is going on with your daughter don't give up. She's a child. Sometimes kids push you away, but as adults we know they don't really want that. what they really want is to feel secure in our love for them.
Good luck in your relationship with your stepdaughter. have her over for Thanksgiving and try to spend that time mending the relationship.
It was not his choice that SD has not come over when his weekend visits with his biological daughter takes place. His SD decided she didn't want to come over and stay when his bio daughter is over. In the beginning when BD and BM split up, she would visit. But then, she started not coming. She was told that she could come over anytime, she didn't have to wait until the weekends when his dd came over. BUT... She chose not to ever come over. She chose not to call. She chose not to associate with anyone. And when she decides to get in touch with someone, it is when she is either wanting something or is in trouble with her mom. It also seems like she only wants to associate with the family only when she knows she is supposed to be getting something. The last time we saw her for any length of time was back a few months ago and she barely talked with anyone, we were at a family function. We don't hear from her all this time hardly, and then she had told DD about wondering if anyone over in our family is giving her a birthday gift, which DD informed us about during this weekend. Now we hear that she wants to spend Thanksgiving with her Nana (SD's mom), but they will be at our house instead. She actually didn't say she wanted to be with her stepdad for Thanksgiving, but she wanted to be with Nana.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that she should just be forgotten. Yes, she is a kid and they always try to see what they can get out of someone. Yes, she may be confused, worried, and even scared. She could very well be torn between what her mother wants and what she wants. But at the same time, she is hurting him and I am the one who sees this. She is hurting the rest of his family too. I think that she should be given the chance to figure out what she wants and if she wants him as stepdad then that is fine. I also think that they both need to sit down and talk about it face to face so it is out in the open. Maybe then they will be able to decide what they would like to do.
No matter what he chooses to do about this, I will support his decision.
Edited 11/20/2006 3:26 pm ET by 4lifesaparty
~ Rhonda