Nothing is as simple....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Nothing is as simple....
8
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 10:02am

Hello all,

Nothing is as simple as you think it's going to be... lol.

I talked to the paralegal about serving stbx in jail after he gets picked up.

This was new territory for her and I didn't know there are different laws when someone is incarcerated. ugh.

The paralegal thinks I'll have to pay for HIS Gardian ed Litem (or something). WHAT?! She said because I'm the one wanting the divorce. She will talk to the lawyer and get back to me. I should've told her that I'll just call the lawyer myself.

So yesterday I felt so frustrated that this process is taking so long. Especially after I thought things would be simple since stbx and I have a signed "Seperation Agreement/Property Settlement." sigh.

I had those feelings of "maybe I should have done things diffently"... ya know the ones. Like maybe I should not have signed the seperation agreement. That I should have taken his sorry butt to court and got my divorce on the grounds of cruelty (ie the domestic abuse which he was convicted of twice). But my lawyer thought we'd save money if we settled. I got everything I wanted, including stbx having supervised visitation with the children. And the lawyer explained that many people sacrifice the "grounds" for a signed settlement in advance. So in the end, I probably did the right thing. I probably got the best deal, and took the right route to getting my divorce. I just hate those days of setback and disappointment.

Take care all,
Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 11:01am

loonybunny....

Sometimes........taking less in a settlement in exchange for completely eliminating a bad social situation.....IS BETTER! Pianoguy discovered this when he sold his portion of a joint home ownership deed to "the girlfriend from hell"....who was "co-habitating" with an EX-HUSBAND in the bedroom next door!

Don't offer to pay for anything extra. And be sure your lawyer has established her legal fees in writing. The LAST THING YOU NEED are any more financial surprises!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 11:30am
Hugs....and relax. You did the RIGHT thing. I know it's immensely frustrating when this process drags out. Like you said, you feel the settlement is a good one, which is so important. Once it's all over, you'll get to breathe a big sigh of relief.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 11:53am

Thank you both for your replies....

I can't wait for that BIG sigh of relief. I felt very peaceful after the settlement was signed. And I've been waiting patiently for the year waiting period to be over (which was Nov 2005). Then I had to wait patiently for my tax return, so that I could pay the lawyer and finalize the divorce (that was March 06).

So I find myself still having to be patient which isn't easy... I thought I'd be done with the process by now... I was hoping to have already sighed that big sigh of relief.

I'm grateful for finding this support board as I "survive" my divorce.

Thanks again,
Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 12:08pm

Hi there!

My STBX is also in jail (nice place huh? LOL). I'm sure every state is different but in FL I was able to serve him in prison. He was actually served the day before our 2nd anniversary.

I know this process is so frustrating and you want it to be over. I keep focusing on when I will be a free woman and no longer attached to my deadbeat STBX.

((HUGS)))

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 12:18pm

Bella,


I am also in FL....when you served your X in prison what was the process and does he have the right to an attorney to contest what you proposed to him?

Peace,


Di


***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 1:51pm

Hi there!

I hired two amazing lawyers who are handling everything. The inital petition was served and he was required to make "statements" next to each point. I found out yesterday that was received by the court but dont know what was written. The next step is my lawyers are sending him a financial document. Basically telling him he's entitiled to which is nothing. If he signs it then my divorce will move along quickly. My lawyers said they doubt he will sign and drag it out.

Of course he has a right to hire an attorney however he can't afford it and to make things worse, he's in poor health and let's not forget he's in JAIL.

Do you have a lawyer? Not sure what area you are in but I'm in Tampa. My lawyers are actually in Brandon.

Please let me know if I can be of any help.

((HUGS))

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 4:16pm

I hope I hear back from my lawyer or the paralegal soon...

I initially thought it would make things easier for me if stbx was in jail. But the paralegal said some disturbing things. I hope she was wrong...it wouldn't be the first time. I'm hoping that when the lawyer finds out stbx is in jail, then "Oh let's just serve him in jail. Rattify the seperation agreement into a divorce decree and you're free." Wouldn't it be lovely if everything was that simple.

Please keep me updated on how it goes...divorcing someone who is incarcerated. I've tried looking it up on google but couldn't find much. I'm not in FL, though, I'm in VA.

Plus, I'm thinking, stbx is in jail because of physical violence/stalking me. I shouldn't have to pay extra fines for a Guardian ed litem, when it's his own fault.

Again, thanks for the info. Any other complications when one party is in jail?

Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 9:08am

Hi there!

If you haven't heard from you lawyer then call them. My lawyers made it sound like it easier to handle things since he's there. I might be wrong so who knows. It was easy for them to serve him the papers. He signed the petition for the divorce and now my lawyers are drawing up the financial agreement. If he signs it then my divorce will be easy but if he doesn't (which is what they think will happen) it will get dragged out.

My STBX is in jail for embezzling money. Because of this he has put me in a bad financial situation. I'm hoping that when the judge hears my case, they will be in favor of me.

Stay in touch and GOOD luck to you!

Melissa