Now it's getting bad!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Now it's getting bad!!
10
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 5:17pm
Now it’s getting bad!! My husband and I was (what I thought) trying to work things out. Today as we sat in the doctors offices while he was being check out for chest pains, he said that he knows what is causing them. That he is still in the house where he doesn’t want to be at. He said that he is here only for the kids (5) and nothing more. That he knows he should stay for them but that he knows he will not stay in the end. So I told him to go. I took his clothes to his father’s house and he froze ALL of the accounts. Now I not have money to file for divorce nor food to have for the children. Does anyone have advice for me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 5:34pm

I'm sorry, I don't mean to seem heartless but I have read about 1000 posts on this site of women saying their husbands left them and now they don't have any money. What is wrong with this picture? When will women wise up to the fact that they need to be looking out for themselves and have some independance BEFORE their husbands leave them. Women - take responsibility for your own life. Yes, in a fairytale world, we could depend on our knight in shining armor to save us and keep us safe the rest of our lives but WAKE UP!! We don't live in a fairytale world. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

I wish you the very best of luck stefanie2007, I hope that a lesson has been learned and you will NEVER, NEVER rely completely on someone else to take care of you again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 7:10pm

Sorry the pp was so unsupportive. Guess she needed to vent--just sorry she vented all over you.

Tough times!

He says he cares about the kids but he froze your access to money to feed them.

These folks (they aren't all men) -- just a selfish mess.

Borrow money if you have to to feed the kids and pay a lawyer. File for disertion, immediately (you can do it yourself) so the courts will promptly order him to pay child and spousal support.

Leaving the house and withdrawing support is disertion!

I will give all my other standard advice, but the kids need me. I know yours need you!

Hugs,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 7:57pm

I echo that I'm sorry the poster who was not supportive.

The first thing I would do is make a list of people who can help you - emotionally and financially, while you get through this time. I'm sure you have people who love you and will help you and your children temporarily.

The next thing is to seek out an attorney. Other's here will have guidance on attorney's who provide pro bono work or financial consideration. File immediately to get the support your children need (and you as well).

You will get through this.

And a note to fool4love2007, your post was in your own words heartless and you judged the original poster without knowing all the facts. You assumed that she was depending on someone to take care of her, some "knight in shining armor".

How do you know she hasn't worked every day of her life and contributed financially into joint accounts?

How do you know that she and her spouse didn't have long converastions about the non-monetary contribuations at SAHM makes and determined that was the choice they would make for their family and they would share his income?

I hoped for the best and prepared for the worst - had good joint savings and a small separate checking account in my name in addition to our joint accounts (but after four months of no access to joint accounts and no child support I was through my separate account). Perhaps you think I live in a fairytale world. I never ever depended on someone to take care of me financially, but we did have joint financial resources which he has frozen temporarily. It happens.

People come here for support and suggestions - not to be judged.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 10:37pm

The thing is... when you're married to someone, by LAW in many cases what's mine is his... and what's his is mine.... unless I break the law to "hide" assets or cash.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 10:40pm

Hey.... call you local child support services office to see if they can offer assistance in filing the paperwork to get temporary support.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 11:48pm
My heart goes out to you. My daughters XH took all their money and left a zero balance except for one account which he didn't think she would remember. Anyway she went to the bank and he had her named removed (a No-NO). The bank (not her) froze the account and he cant touch it nor can she without a court order. It has been over a year and it is still froze.
Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 8:38am

Hello everyone,


This is a reminder about our Terms of Service (TOS http://www.ivillage.com/help/tos.html) and Rules of Play (http://www.ivillage.com/boards/0,,b46m,00.html). Because this is a public forum, some argument is to be expected, as well as that not everyone will agree with your opinions. However, please remember to

_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:12am

Thank you CMStephanie. I felt I had the right to express my opinion, no matter how unpopular, and in no way was attacking the original poster. I wished her nothing but the best. Then the next two posts after me completely came after me personally. I do appreciate that the women on this site come here for support but sometimes that support can come in the form of "tough love." I'm sorry if my comments seemed callous but I just want every woman to be prepared and I would love to see the day when no women is EVER left penniless and desparate because of a man.

I hope everyone on this site finds peace and love and joy in their lives!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 12:28pm
There is a new book out called "The Feminine Mistake". It covers the subject of financial dependence. It might not be popular on this board and I don't mean to imply even an opinion but the book is very informative and educational. It speaks to the issue that times have changed and everyone should have financial independence. It covers divorce but also speaks to the event of a spouse being disabled or dying. It is an interesting read if anyone is interested I just thought I would recommend it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 2:04pm

1. Talk to the bank. If these accounts had your name on them, it's possible that you can still have legal access to them.

2. The county clerk is an excellent source of advice about which forms you have to fill out to file for temp custody and support.

3. Talk to your creditors, IE, doctors, etc. Try to get an extension on paying those bills. They come last in line. First is mortgage, utilities, and food.

4. See if there is a "Friends of the Court" or some other organization that will provide you with free legal advice. If not, get a free consultation with an attorney ASAP.

5. Call your local DCF office for food stamps, medical, and cash assistance.

6. Go to your local food bank.

7. Call on friends and family for all the help you can get to get through this.

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