Now for the sad stuff

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Now for the sad stuff
31
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 6:48pm

I know in my mind that my marriage is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 1:05pm

Thanks again for all the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 6:21pm

srb -


We really do have so much in common.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 8:52pm
I didn't see any other posts from anyone else dealing with an alcoholic. Is there a different forum for that? I gave my DH an ultimatum last week - quit the drinking or leave. He said his recovery would be easier if he could stay here w/me and DS, so I said let's see how the next few months go. That lasted a week. He's drunk again. We just had a great family weekend for our DD's college grad and I was optimistic (maybe just naive?). But after 22 yrs of being lied to, deceived, and etc. I have got to stick with it. I hate always not knowing if he's lying to me or telling the truth. He's been layed off work for 5 mos now and that sure doesn't help, but I know he won't quit drinking when he goes back to work, he'll just cut back to weekends. He's been going to AA but I don't believe he's following the program. I've just started going back to Al-Anon and it helps. He is on probation for a DUI 5 mos. ago - I called his probation officer and reported that he violated it and was in the hospital with a .40 blood alcohol count. Nothing has come of that so I won't hope for any consequences from the court. He just started counseling (court-ordered) last week but he lies so convincingly it will be a sham. So here we are, getting ready to separate and me not knowing what to do - do it via a legal separation or try to just get him to leave peaceably? I really don't know if he'll go civilly. Has anyone else dealt with legal separation vs just "moving out" without the legalities? I did go see a lawyer so I do have the info to file for a legal separation. Any advice would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:22pm

Sweetie, 1st off - its not down the drain. You have your son from it.


I know its hard. But can you try to look at the GOOD part of it? If he is a drinker, think back to all those special occassions, LIKE the holidays & bday, that he RUINED due to his drinking. Or all those times you were mortified by him. Or you were worried the whole time he would do or say something drunk that woudl embarass you. Think of all the time & effort you likely spent trying to cover how he REALLY was.


Can you do something special for yourself on Sat? Go out with a freind? Book a spa day? Or just a pedicure?


((((((HUGS)))))))) You ARENT alone that day ... we will all be sending you warm thoughts.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:26pm

Here is a board that deals with some of it - but its also a board for support FOR alcholics. BUt i promise you there are a few people there who are married to, or WERE married to A's, who can help you with some advice.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-bhalcohol&nav=start


BUT< there was a WONDERFUL board for JUST us people who loved an alcoholic. It was an INCREDIBLE support board, but iV closed it a while ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:54pm

hey,


today was very hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 11:19pm

I know how hard that must have been for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 7:14am

That is exactly what I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 7:36am

I think there is a board for addictions, not sure about a specific alcoholic one.


I found that ultimatums do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 4:27pm

hey. thanks ONCE again.