Now What?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Now What?
2
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 10:33pm
I am finalizing my divorce soon. I am just waiting for the final court date. It has been nearly a year now since we have been separated, and for the most part I have stopped missing him. Recently, I met a guy that I sort of had a "thing" with. That's very unlike me to do something like that, since my husband was my first and only until now. The first few times we had sex, I cried afterward, feeling guilty. But after that, I just had fun. Now we agreed just to be friends even though we really don't talk much anymore. I am ok with that, but now I feel so lonely. I like being an independent woman taking care of myself and all, but I cannot help feeling lonely, and the need to feel loved. I am trying to set goals to have things to look forward to, but nothing seems to help when the loneliness sets in. How long will this last? Any advice would be nice, thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: butterfly32812
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 7:42am

Hi Butterfly,


We're glad you're here!


For what it's worth, when you've separated and in the process of divorce (and afterward) it's only natural to feel lonely. It's a weird state of being for those of us who are used to being coupled. Your new relationship is also understandable since we seek out affirmation in a new relationship in the wake of divorce.


My advice? Breathe! It doesn't matter who initiated the divorce it's a huge rejection and you'll feel very needy for a while. However, as you've learned, if you have a relationship too quickly after separation from a spouse, you risk being or feeling rejected all over again.


The best thing I did after my divorce was get busy and do some of the things I'd always wanted to do! I went to my favorite exercise classes, gardened, read at 3 a.m., and cooked dishes I'd always liked by my Ex didn't. It wasn't always a cureall for the lonely phase, but it beat sitting around feeling sorry for myself.


Make a list of 2 or 3 things you love to do or gave up doing during your marriage and then go find ways to do them. There, you'll find other like-minded people and perhaps a new friend or two.


Good luck and don't beat yourself too badly about this latest relationship. Consider it a learning phase!


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
In reply to: butterfly32812
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 11:21am
Thanks, Wisdomtooth! Reading this makes me feel hopeful. Great advice!