Obsessed with getting revenge

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Obsessed with getting revenge
6
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 5:01pm

I know it is unhealthy and truly it is only hurting me more than anyone else. However, I can't stop thinking how good it would be if my STBX and hussy gf felt every bit of the pain and misery that they cost me. I hate the fact that my STBX and hussy gf are the ones that started this yet I'm the one that seems to be getting punished. I don't like to wish bad things on anyone but I can't help but to hope that karma has both STBX and hussy gf on the top of his list.

The anger and hurt sometimes is so overwhelming that I wish I could get amnesia just so I would have to remember STBX, what he did and hussy gf. No one should have the right to hurt someone this much. And frankly I don't know how they sleep knowing they have caused this much pain in the world. If they are causing this much misery than I think they should some of it.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you keep yourself focus on something else other than making them miserable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 7:23pm

i have not been hurt in the way that you have, but obviously as a living human being, i have been hurt. what i do (and this is hard to do but WELL WORTH IT) is to realize that the only one suffering from your feelings of revenge is YOU. i'm sure you know this already.

so....the way to get back at them is to work very, very hard at not letting it bother you. easier said than done, of course, but you practice doing it for just a little bit of time a day and work up to it. if you slip up, you forgive yourself and keep at it. this will enable you not only to hurt less, but you will spend less of your life thinking about something over which you have no control anyway. this free time can be used doing fun things for yourself!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 11:26pm

I'm feeling the same way big time!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 8:26am

its totally normal, but it is unhealthy. you need to shift your focus from "them" to "you".

its not an easy thing to do, because you are angry and hurt. and it does take some time. what helped me was to really become very busy - invest alot of time and effort into myself - at work, school (i went back to school 2 years ago), exercise. and also - therapy, if you feel that you are so angry that you want to hurt them, and you can't seem to 'move on' - therapy can really help you make that move.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 8:34am
The way you feel is TOTALLY normal. Now, if you continue to feel like this for an extended period of time, then it becomes unhealthy. But I am pretty sure once you get all the anger and frustration out of your system, this will pass. At first, I wanted to see my ex suffer, too. He had'nt cheated in the recent past, but he had treated me VERY poorly. I wanted him to feel some of the pain and sadness I had for 12 years. Honestly, he ended up in really bad shape for a while. I think I felt satisfaction for about five minutes, and then I just felt bad for him. As they say, the best revenge is a life well-lived. Plus, counseling really helped me, too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 8:08am

I know the pain you feel. It's awful.

Let your self feel the pain though. It will help you in the long run. Let yourself cry and mourn. If you block the pain out, it will show up later in some bad way -- your health (mental or physical) will be compromised.

Focus on your self . Do good works. Be of service to your community.

In the short term, fanstasize about revenge, but do not act on it at all! If your feelings for revenge start to turn into actions, your need to get help immediately.

In my experience, what goes around comes around. STBX will get his one day or another. And you may not be there to see it, but it will happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 10:11am
Remember---We have Karma too. We don't want to do something that could jeopardize the good Karma we have. What goes around, comes around. I have seen this too. Getting even will only make you feel guilty and than you will have those feelings to deal with too.