OH OH, not sure how to handle this ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
OH OH, not sure how to handle this ...
4
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 11:27am

& i tend to think, no matter what you guys say here, out of curiosity, (or self-torture) i will pick up the stuff.

BIL called, (dont forget, we have court in the AM, YIKES) saying "I have some paperwork here M needs you to pick up". I said "What kind of paperwork? He cant write me any notes or anything". (this week i had to pass some important paperwork to him, thru BIL, which is ok w/ the RO suppossedly, as long as it is impartial stuff). He said "No, its medical stuff, & proof of what he is doing. He wants you to see what he's been doing i guess, to try & get help".

I just dont know. I hear he is seeing his psychiatrist weekly, that he was begun on Lithium (? BiPolar - which i always felt he was, but stil no excuse for all the crap) & is in anger management. Everyone who knows abusive men, says Anger mngt does NOTHING for them, if ANYthing can help, its Batterer's counseling. But either way, none of that will matter to me for ME, b/c i am done, but i supposse it would be beneficial to dd if he was able to overcome all that crap (long shot, i know) - &/or NOT be this way with another woman, that dd would end up having to witness, maybe, if visitation ever got to that point.

I suppose i want to see some EFFORT, which I will base some of my decisions on visitation for him on (as well as what the court & my lawyer suggest). No matter WHAT he is doing or saying, he will NOT have unsupervised visitation at this point. Or until he sees the clinicial at Child & Family Servies who specializes in parental alientation & counseling on what it does to the child emotionally. Agian, not that i EXPECT any of this to make him SEE clearly, but i feel I owe it to dd to SEE if he can be ok with her - i feel i need to at least see what it is he is suppossedly doing ... not to affect what is going on w/ the divorce, but in respect to contact w/ dd. But until i am POSITIVE & he has PROVEN over time, that he can be appropriate w/ dd, he will NOT see her unsupervised. I cannot have him UNdo all i have been able to DO w/ her emotionally, this past month.

What he is sending me MAY be against the RO. I think what i will do is pick it up later, when my sitter is here, in case its something that makes me lose it, i wont have Ave with me. If it is something personal, i will not read it ... i dont THINK. I know, i should just tell BIL to tell him to have his lawyer give it to mine in the AM at court - but i cant wait that long. I also know its likely that he is playing head games here, at the 11th hour b4 court ... & also, maybe he DID see me when i passed him yesterday & he is desperate. Of COURSE he is desparete, tomorrow is the RO hearing where he knows now i am asking for ONLY supervised visitation - & also, its the temporary granting of divorce orders, sole custody & child support orders .... if THAT doesnt make him desparate, nothing will.

I know, i know, i know, i KNOW i shouldnt go get the stuff, but i dont think i can help myself!

R~

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 11:41am
Could you have someone else pick it up for you? Think about it from his persepctive too. If he knows you've seen the 'paperwork' he may expect it will change your mind about the RO and the supervised visitation. Will he be more upset tomorrow in court, knowing that you saw the paperwork and that it still didn't change your mind?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 12:09pm

DO. NOT. GO!!!!


have a friend lock you into the house if you need to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 03-06-2005 - 12:23pm

OK, i have come to my senses! I am NOT GOING. & i am eating a devil dog b/c of it AND i am going SHOPPING! ;)

I called BIL & said "I wont come get it, I am not suppossed to take anything from him. You can drop it in the mail box & i will give whatever it is to my atty in the AM, but i will not come there & i will not read it." He said "Thats fine, i understand. I will drop it in your mail box tonite".

& i dont think i will read it. I will just give it to my atty. & who knows, once STBX knows it is going thru my atty, maybe he will decide to take it back. BIL reiteriated "Its just stuff to prove he is trying to get better, to do everything he can to get some help" & i replied "Good, b/c that is important for his daughter". Period. NO mention of me in there!

Ok, thanks! & thank GOD for these boards & you guys for talking sense into me! :)

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 9:37am

Hope you're still hangin' in there..... and I definitely don't see what anything like that he'd want to give to you couldn't wait until court.


Hope all goes well.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~