OK, this CL needs some input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
OK, this CL needs some input!
16
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 11:20am

I have a question for you wise ladies!


After a week's vacation with his dad, my son suddenly wants to live with him full-time.

Pages

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 12:45pm

Christine, I'm so sorry this is all muddling things up for you right now. Just when it's supposed to be fun :(. You know in your heart that it's just your son using the one weapon he knows will get you down. My kids used to wield that sword at me too and it hurt even though I knew they'd be miserable living with him, not to mention that they were hardly invited to live there anyway. Keep going down the path you're on, use your best judgement and love your son like only mothers can. Hugs to you my friend!

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 1:04pm

Karen...

You realize that you have the dubious distinction (that few women have) of making Pianoguy "blush out loud" whenever you pay him a compliment! THANK YOU SO MUCH for your more than kind words about my music.

A few friends and I referenced the CHRISTMAS Piano CD (which I recorded in November 2005) over the weekend. So now it's time to SERIOUSLY CONSIDER another type of music? And perhaps include a vocal or two?

Honestly...there are so many musical directions to choose from! Standard classics, rock 'n' roll from the 50s thru the 70s, film scores and movie themes, country, etc. It's gonna be a tough choice to make!

I sincerely appreciate your very nice comments about my music.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 5:09pm

I know this maybe has been said but this will give some for of understanding.


He is kid, he thinks that no rules is heaven but when he is adult he will miss having any form of order, I know this from friend who choose to live with his mum that is free spirit and not his father that had rules.


Let the kid live with father for a month or two

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:49am

Ugh. Damn ungrateful kids! :-P

When I was 12 I was in a situation with my own parents where they were divorced but my mother had been the actual parent, while my father was Disneyland dad. I decided I wanted to live with my father, and my mom let me. It lasted 6 months and I hated every minute of it. Yes my dad let me have what I wanted, but I hated that all he did was work. There was absolutely no structure to how we lived, and while it gave me some freedom, I really just felt like I had no "real" parent there for me.

At the end of 6 months I went back to my mom and felt so much better to be in a home where I was cared for and looked after. This is not to say I wasn't horrible shortly after as the teen years kicked in, but I did come to realize very quickly that living with my father wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

One question for you though: Is there something behind your son "realizing" how badly you supposedly care for him? Like could your ex be badmouthing you and be "helping" your son come to this conclusion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:14am

Honey, I cant imagine. Actually no, I can imagine. What I noticed with alot of the ex's is they seem so ready to try to turn our kids against us. It's disgusting. For all the time and energy we put into raising our children alone over the years, they just want to come in and take control. Try to make us out to be bad mothers. How dare they.

Dont let him make you feel guilty not for ONE MINUTE! My son is 3 1/2 and I have to raise my voice at him sometimes, I have to discipline him. They are children and have to be taught right from wrong. Our ex's will never be satisfied with what we do and that's because they know we are doing a good job and it kills them that we are doing it without them. I guarantee you that if you let everything slide and didnt discipline your son then that would be a problem. He'd accuse you of letting him "get away with murder". I'd bet money that your ex is feeling HIS guilt about not being there like he should have and it trying to pass it off on you and make you feel bad. Your a damn good mother and father dont you ever forget it. I know they get under your skin even when you try not to let them. Look you and we know the truth. Let it go, dont let him get the best of you and have you doubting yourself.

When you talked to your son did HE say that he really wants to live with his dad full time? Where is all this coming from? What are you going to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2005
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 12:40pm

Hugs to you! I don't really have advice, just empathy...I am fearing this happening in my future--Jesse is only 5 and we are really new in this situation. Lately when I discipline him, he suddenly wants to talk to daddy. After a phone conversation with daddy, he tells me I am mean and he likes daddy better. I have learned to blow it off and now I don't call daddy every time Jesse gets mad at me for disciplining him. I make him just suck it up so he will learn to stop having tantrums!

Argh! I feel for you.

Robin in California

Pages