OK guys, need some direction here ...
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OK guys, need some direction here ...
| Fri, 08-05-2005 - 1:03pm |
You all know the issues in leaving for our vacation to CA with STBX.
We were on
| Fri, 08-05-2005 - 1:03pm |
You all know the issues in leaving for our vacation to CA with STBX.
We were on
I think it's a good idea.... there might still be too much emotion in it, and it might be better to stick to just saying "since we cannot work out visitation in a timely manner so that I can plan my work schedule and hire a sitter, if needed...."...... try to remove some of the blame verbiage, and say "...since we cannot...." and perhaps he'll be more receptive to "hear" what you've written.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
It sounds to me like he's deliberately trying to push your interactions into areas that he can 'justify' blowing up at you and make you the bad guy (in his mind). He's still trying to control you by making you chase him and have your plans up in the air until he decides it's time to let you know what's going on.
I think it's a good idea to try to get some sort of schedule agreed to in writing, along with a deadline to notify you whether and when visitation will occur. The letter sounds like a good idea to me, but as Karen suggested, I would try to take away as much of the 'you' language as possible. I'd focus more on the current situation being unhealthy for A because she would benefit from a more structured schedule and that you require reasonable notification to schedule your work shifts and sitters when he is unable to take her.
Also any time you offer him extra visitation, I would phrase it as __ day is available to him and if he wishes to exercise it to call you by __ time on __ day and that if you are not notified you will assume he is unavailable and will make other arrangements. Make the call once, and then if you don't hear from him, do make other arrangements. I understand why you're trying to encourage his relationship with A and that's why you've been making the follow up calls, but by repeatedly calling him you're giving him a sense that he still has control over your life. He may be ticked the first time you don't chase after him and schedule a sitter, may pout, say you never let him see A, etc. What he's really upset about is that he wants your life to revolve around him and he's going to have to accept the reality that it doesn't. The rules you're trying to set up here are very reasonable, and it's got to be up to him whether he'll choose to follow them like a reasonable person.
-sang