OK, I just need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
OK, I just need to vent
4
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 9:05am

OK, I'd just like to vent for a little bit, of that's OK with you ladies.


First....I would like to announce that I STILL have not been allowing the ex to engage me in any arguments or insanity. And it's been several weeks now...yay! However, he's done some things related to DS that upset me. He fought like crazy for 50/50 custody of DS. It didn't end up an exact split, but close. In his mind, as long as DS sleeps at his house that night, he's exercised his visitation for the day.


Last Monday, DS was sick at school, so I went to go pick him up. I work from home, so it's no problem for me. Now, ex is supposed to have him st 6:00 PM. I called ex and told him DS wasn't feeling well, and couldn't play baseball that night. Ex says he HAS to coach the game (he's a coach on DS's team). Now, I miss things
all the time when DS is sick or has something going on. Ex can miss games to date and play golf, but not to care for our DS on "his" night...one of the nights he fought so hard for? I'm sorry, but part of parenting is also caring for your sick child! So he says he'll pick DS up at 8:15. By 9:30, he's nowhere to be found, and this is a school night. Apparently, he didn't even coach the game, he just hung around

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:38am
You vent, girl! Sometimes we just need to get things off our chests, and this is a good forum. Unfortunately, some people just don't put other's needs and concerns ahead of their own selfish pursuits. His dad probably assumes that you'll take over and make sure that things get done in a timely fashion. He knows that you are reliable. (I can tell you're a good mom!). Not to bash men...but...men tend to just take off and do whatever they want, whenever they want. Woman have to ask the fathers to "babysit" their children when we want a minute along. Sheesh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 7:31pm

Oh, I am so in your shoes! My STBX is very similar-unreliable, lies to cover his butt, often late, makes plans that conflict, etc. He just doesn't get why the whole world doesn't revolve around him. He wants to be Mr. Spontaneous, but actually ends up doing very little of anything. The Coaching thing sounds very familiar (not that my STBX would sign up to coach anything) BUT saying that he HAD to go coach (which sounds legit) then screwing around instead: classic!

Right now I'm exercising some tough love. I give him the info he needs to make it happen for the kids, then I drive away. If they are late for softball-TOUGH! If they are late for the Brownie Field trip-the other moms know what I'm up against and will not cut him any slack. And I am fairly upfront with DD9; I say things like: Your dad is making plans that conflict with your softball game, that is okay with me if it is okay with you, but you need to check with him about that. If I say the softball game is important, he will avoid it. If SHE says it is important, he will BE THERE. And she is not the kinda kid who thinks it's okay to blow off a game.

NOw I admit, I haven't done this on any REALLY important occasions...I'm hoping I won't have to.

And unfortunately he gets back at me by spending less time with them the following weekends. Nice, eh?

What in the HECK is wrong with men???




Edited 6/11/2006 7:33 pm ET by watershed2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2006
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 8:02pm
Oh, this is soooo familiar. We have joint custody, joint placement. Ex joined a softball league one night that he is supposed to have kids, says he will be back at a certain time, comes back later smelling like alcohol. Goes out with friends on nights he is supposed to take them. I offer a different night to make up for them spending less time and he isn't interested. Always has plans. I think for him it is a responsiblity issue. It is easier and more fun to be a parent less time. The kids had a reminder for a doctor appointment ahat was due and he brought the card to me and said "here the kids need to go to the doctor." I thought well make the appointment and take them then. But, I gave up a long time ago and decided that what is best for the kids may not be what is fair to me. He is going to do his thing and I might as well take them and not have them sitting with a babysitter. Ugh. Sometimes this joint custody thing is a little too freeflowing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:25pm
He has no idea how much he's losing out on by not being there.... vent, vent, vent!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~