OK, I'm taking the responsibility.....
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| Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:57pm |
right here, and right now. The last several weeks, dealing with the ex has been horrible. We can't even have a civilized conversation without it dissolving into madness (never in front of DS). Back in November, I had him arrested for hitting me in the face, so I am still very nervous dealing with him. Although he never struck me before that, I often wonder if he has the capability to do it again.
My problem? I ALLOW him to bait me, and I take the bait. He says terrible things to me (too graphic to repeat here), and then I've been responding with terrible insults of my own. Probably because I feel powerless and weak, and it's the only way I feel I can "fight back."
But this ends today. As of today, the second he brings up a topic not related to our son, I hang up. Unless it is an emergency or a schedule change within 24 hours, I am going to contact him only

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Good for you, Christine!
I have done the email thing to an extent myself and it works much better than trying to have a discussion about every little thing. You can just maake a short list of what he needs to know and send it off. No eye rolling, no sighing, no turning to walk away from you while you are still talking.
If he doesn't read them then that's his problem. I commend you for taking responsibility and finding a way to stop the insanity.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I hear ya. It's great when we can identify OUR ROLES in the madness. Because then we can truly grow and get stronger. I too am guilty of the very same thing myself. It's always a struggle not to let my ex bait me. Ive had my ups and downs. Today was a somewhat bad day for me but now I recover so much quicker than I used to when I have a bad day and that's what matters. I have grown. So hats off to you for your new stand. Im gonna take one too.
Way to go
So glad to hear you're taking control of the situation! I'm very proud of you Christine!!!
Mel
Edited 5/18/2006 7:46 pm ET by mebrenda
Hugs, Brenda
OHHHHHH THIS IS SOOO ME!!!! I fell for the bait (and sometimes still do)all the time!
Congratulations on standing up and not taking his crap anymore! I have had to practice the 'hanging up' routine alot before it became like second nature. For me, somehow, it's like I think I'm still supposed to listen to his ranting and abusive accusations and insults. I forget that I have POWER! :)
Congratulations on deciding to STOP letting him control you. AND ,by the way, who is he to tell YOU that you HAVE to call him??? Pahleeeze!!! Get a life buddy ....
It's actually very satisfying to just go...CLICK! when the voice rises.. heheh....it's so evil it's entertaining at this point.
You Go girl!!
Lisa
Wow!
I logged on to this board today to post just such a topic about my frustration over allowing my ex to ruin my mood and make me upset over and over and over again. And here's somebody having the exact same problem.
I could have written your same words, and I wish I HAD called the cops when the physical happened. It seems like every thing he says or writes in an email has some "dig" in it. I know he loathes me but I'm soooo tired of it. It happened again yesterday and I lost sleep over it.
I wish there were a switch to turn it off...mental image developing.
You're so right about it being MY responsibility how I feel and react. I'm far better than he is about controlling my words.
I want peace. I want to be a non-react zone. I don't want to take the bait anymore either. It's easy to say (write) but so very hard for me to do.
Yearning for neutrality,
Momsacupcake
Same here. I think we all need to admit we're imperfect, and make mistakes. I'm on day two of NOT taking the bait, and so far, so good! One day at a time, as they say :)
Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....
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