OK, I'm taking the responsibility.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
OK, I'm taking the responsibility.....
13
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:57pm

right here, and right now. The last several weeks, dealing with the ex has been horrible. We can't even have a civilized conversation without it dissolving into madness (never in front of DS). Back in November, I had him arrested for hitting me in the face, so I am still very nervous dealing with him. Although he never struck me before that, I often wonder if he has the capability to do it again.


My problem? I ALLOW him to bait me, and I take the bait. He says terrible things to me (too graphic to repeat here), and then I've been responding with terrible insults of my own. Probably because I feel powerless and weak, and it's the only way I feel I can "fight back."


But this ends today. As of today, the second he brings up a topic not related to our son, I hang up. Unless it is an emergency or a schedule change within 24 hours, I am going to contact him only

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 2:53pm

Hi cupcake!


I agree..... we need to get together and develop some of those switches.... because I like to err on the side of conservation!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 8:30am

Good for you.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 9:01am

good for you. i remember when i made the same decision a few years ago - i remember saying to myself - enuf is enuf. yes, *he* is an SOB, *he* is an idiot, *he* is a manipulative abusive horrible person ------ *he* is all that - but *I* don't have to respond to him.

i think that by letting *them* allow manipulate *us* into responding to *their* idiocy --- we continue to allow them the control our lives. and the moment WE put an end to it - is the moment that WE begin to regain control.

of course - its MUCH easier said than done. we have been trained from birth to be nice, to be understanding blah blah blah --- and then, in the marriages we are trained to put our husbands first - and when the husband is abusive and controlling and manipulative, we just stay in that role, even after we get divorced.

but --- the good news is that it IS possible. of course, my exH and i have no children in common (my DS is from a previous marriage), but we did have *other* issues to deal with (legal, money, etc) and EVERY SINGLE phone conversation, or email just tired me out because EVERYTHING always turns into an argument with him - which of course somehow ends up being "my" fault.... so i took the smart route - and just stopped talking to him or responding to his abuse. it was hard at first, because every time i had to be assertive (which was, in my mind, being 'mean' or 'rude') i would get this sick feeling in my stomach, but you know what ----- it DID WORK. now, thankfully, we have NO contact at all anymore.

hang in there. you CAN do it.

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